Prompt Images
A glimpse into the writer’s room for the next season of Ryan Murphy’s hit FX show American Horror Story. This season, viewers will be taken on the scariest journey yet as they confront Grave Danger.
Head Writer
(tired and chugging coffee)
Alright team, let’s do it. The big guy signed on for like two or three more of these, so he can add a seventh floor on his mansion, wipe his ass with hundreds and set bags of money on his front lawn to make conservatives angry.
New Writer
(bubbly, vivacious, gleam in her eye)
Oh my goodness. I have so many great ideas. Imagine this. A gothic mansion. A creepy child sings. The real estate agent follows the noise to the graveyard, fog begins rolling in…
Writer #1
(admonishingly)
Susan, we’ve been phoning these in since Coven. Don’t overthink it.
Head Writer
Seriously, before we started writing Cult, we went to the TGIFriday’s on the corner and got totally obliterated on Mucho Jalapeño Margaritas. I think I ate my body weight in Flamin’ Hot Cheeto Poppers.
Writer #2
(winking)
That was a good time. That waiter, Chaz, had A LOT of flair, if you catch my drift. I showed him I could deep throat a Cool Ranch, Kimchi, and Candied Jalapeño Lucky Charm Foot Long. I think he wrote episode 3 on a kid’s menu with a crayon.
Head Writer
(waxing nostalgic)
Ya know what, speaking of Friday’s, I could go for some Cake Batter Pancake Quesadillas and an Iced Irish Coffee Thin Mint Slushie. Let’s wrap this up and head down for some TGI Fun!
Any chance we can tempt some interns with Adderall to storyboard? Or maybe we stick a bunch of orangutans from the zoo in front of some typewriters? Anyone who votes yes, I’ll share my Oreo Madness Supreme Sundae with you…
Susan
(seeing her career flash before her eyes)
But come on, I believe I can invigorate the series. I took the job because it has gotten a bit… tired. I mean, if we’re being honest, what the heck was with Cult? The recurring Jill Stein joke? But, maybe we can try something new. Bring in some new, up and coming talent! Make it like Bly Manor, but with a sexy FX twist.
Writer #2
(rolling her eyes)
Sweetie, have you seen the show? Sarah Paulson is on retainer. We see what Evan Peters is up to and if he needs weed money. Then we call up all of gay Hollywood and see who’s around.
And if we’re being candid, does anyone even actually watch the show anymore? They turn it on for background noise. It’s an FX and climax type situation, if you know what I’m saying…
Head Writer
Darlene, remember when HR had you watch American Horror Story – Sexual Harassment?
Darlene
Sorry, boss. Fun fact: Scott Baio starred in that.
Susan
(still hopeful, but starting to sound defeated)
Okay, appealing to the queer audience could work in our favor. Speaking of gay Hollywood, Gus Kenworthy didn’t sign for more than one season, right? I mean, I’m all about representation, but the only thing more boring that 1984 itself was that man’s acting… if you could even call it that.
Head Writer
No, but the gay Bachelor is supposed to be in this one. Apparently, you aren’t newly gay in Hollywood unless you have a GMA sit down, a Netflix show, and a starring role in a Ryan Murphy show that should’ve been cancelled once Jessica Lange left.
Susan
(grossed out)
The one that stalked his girlfriend? And frequently supported anti-gay politicians?
Darlene
Yeah, but when you’re a white, cis man with decent teeth who looks like every other Instagram reality has-been with a blue check on Instagram, you aren’t held accountable… you get Gus Kentworthy as your “gay guide.”
Susan
(defiant)
That doesn’t seem right.
Writer #1
(flippant)
It also doesn’t seem right that Darren Criss gay-baited audiences for years, yet here we are.
Darlene
(low-key angry)
Or that people were confused by Roanoke. We literally write for the lowest common denominator, it doesn’t take any level of education to understand this drivel.
Writer #3
(peeking up from his phone)
Or that I got paid for writing Hotel. God, that shit was bad. Thank God for naked Matt Bomer.
Susan
(takes notes and whispers)
Naked Matt Bomer is good…
Head Writer
You’re… not wrong, Susan. But seriously, I have a 10 percent off Friday’s coupon and they have this new thing where they serve all you can drink Mudslides to your table in a giant trough. So, can we wrap this up?
Susan
(pleadingly)
Okay, but, my contract…
Head Writer
(tired)
You’ll still get paid. What would you rather do? Try and write something innovative for eight hours a day or talk about the show for 20 minutes over coffee and then go and sit at TGI’s and get drunk with your new co-workers?
Susan
Okay, okay. But can I at least contribute something? I can’t, in good conscience, eat a Cinnamon Toast Caesar Salad from the Guy Fieri Menu without leaving my mark somehow on the show.
Writer #1
(sneakily)
Well…
Darlene
(raising an eyebrow)
It IS a rite of passage…
Writer #3
(looking up from his phone again)
Like the time I convinced them to cast Cuba Gooding Jr…
Head Writer
(matter of fact)
We just need to stunt cast someone to get people (and mainly the gays) excited so they will ignore how horrifically abysmal the writing is… Like Lady Gaga in Hotel.
Susan
(thinking)
This is a hard one…
Head Writer
(impatient)
The sooner we do this, the sooner we are fist deep in Queso Nachos Magnifica on FX’s dime!
Susan
What’s Shannen Doherty up to these days?
Head Writer
Amazing idea! If we hurry, it’s half off appetizers. Good job, Susan. Happy to have you on the team. Your job isn’t… in Grave Danger.
Susan
(quietly)
Wait, Darren Criss isn’t gay?
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