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I’m not much of a gambler. I play the slots when I’m back home in Atlantic City, but only ones that I identify with like Big Ben, Días de los Muertos, The Wizard of Oz, The Simpsons, etc. And I am certainly not one to play the lottery. Sure, I get scratch offs in my stocking for Christmas every year and they’re fun, but the only time I ever bought one for myself was when I first turned 18. And until now, the only time I ever purchased a Mega Millions ticket was to pick one up for my parents.
But now that I am a real adult (apparently), I understand why people want to win the lottery. Because I have a job. And jobs are really not fun. People are kind of the worst, and working with them is a nightmare. So when my mom suggested that I partake in the Mega Millions, I thought, why not?
So last week, I purchased a lottery ticket. Here is a running list of things I would do if I won $1 billion…
- Pay off my student loans
- Pay off my brother’s student loans
- Take a trip to Italy with my mom
- Take a cruise to Great Britain with my dad (because he doesn’t fly)
- Party it up on the East Coast, making my way through visits to all my friends
- Have my close friends over to Greystone Mansion for a nice, classy meal
- Buy whatever I want at the expensive grocery store, whenever I want
- Pick up happy hour tabs
- Buy a quilted Chanel purse
- Check the listing price on that charming modern house on Sherbourne Dr. near my gym that’s for sale and has a pool
- Buy a beach house on the Cape
- Buy my grandparents a place in Florida
- Buy a parrot for my grandpa
- Hole up in the South of France and write a novel
- Adopt a dog
- Splurge on wine that costs more than $10
- Hire myself a driver so that I never have to deal with L.A. traffic again
- Hire a personal chef to meal prep for me
- Hire a trainer… I guess
- Get my family dog, Spuds, a trainer so that he can be as fit as Neville Jacobs
- Donate money to Alzheimer’s / cancer research and children / dog rescue non-profits
- Grab dinner at Nobu in Malibu
- Go to Sydney, Australia
- Go see Hamilton
- Throw a massive Champagne and Pajama themed party with real Champagne
- Talk my brother into taking a trip outside the U.S. with me
- Fly my abroad friends and me back to London to hit our old haunts
- Become a “patron of the Arts”
- Get some sort of endorsement deal through my appearance on the Today Show because I’m adorable and isn’t that what people do? And I’m also burning through these millions pretty quickly… I think? (I literally have no concept of how much money $1 billion dollars is)
- Go shopping for quality wardrobe essentials and not in the sale section
- Live my life bi-coastal (ideally, fall and spring on the East Coast; winter and summer on the West Coast)
- Invest in a vineyard
- Go to Disneyland
- Take all those trips that I talk about taking, and then go to South America and do ayahuasca to figure out what’s in my soul and what I should do next
- Come back completely unchanged and a little worse for wear and start a production company and work with all of the best, and aspiring, female filmmakers
To find out if I won the lottery, stay tuned.
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