Prompt Images
Your phone screen is a homing beacon for some quality D.
“Yes.”
“Cum over.” (How witty, Chad.)
“Be there in 15.”
“Vaxxed right?”
“Vaxxed, waxed, and ready to climax.”
“K. And be quiet coming in. My mom is downstairs watching Jeopardy! reruns. Bring snacks for after. Puffy Cheez Doodles and some fuzzy navel wine coolers.” (How romantic, Chad.)
But, what happens when the “U Up?” text from an unsaved number isn’t sexy… but…
(Cue suspenseful theremin music)
CREEPY?!
__
“U Up?”
“Yes. Something fell in my closet and the noise woke me up.”
“That was me. I dropped the machete.”
___
“U Up?”
“Yes, but I’m about to go to sleep.”
“No u r not.”
“Seriously, already in pajamas in bed.”
“Don’t lie to me…”
“WTF. Who is this?”
“The guy outside your bedroom window who knows you’re not in bed.”
___
“U Up?”
“Yeah, who is this?”
“You don’t have my number saved! We should hang.”
“I have a boyfriend and he’s coming by after his football game.”
“Greg?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“It’s the name on the varsity jacket of the guy I just stabbed on your porch.”
____
“U Up?
Of course you aren’t. Because you didn’t see what I slipped into your wine this evening. You probably shouldn’t tell a waiter you’ve never met before how much you love sleeping with the windows open when the weather gets warm like this.”
___
“U Up?”
“Who is this?!?!?! I told you to stop texting me.”
***Text alert pings from under the bed***
___
“U Up?”
“New phone. Who dis?”
“I’m the person who found your dog.”
“She isn’t missing.”
“She was. I put her in your mailbox.”
“She’s a 40 pound labrador retriever.”
“I didn’t say I put her there in one piece.”
___
“U Up?”
“Who is this?”
“I’m reaching out to inform you about your car’s limited warranty…”
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