Tom Cruise’s {Self-Portrait}: A Day in the Life of the Weirdest Guy in Hollywood

From: Sharon Colby <sharoncolbyPR@churchofscientology.org>
To: David Miscavige <davidm@seaorg.org>
Subject: FWD: RE: Tom Cruise “Day in the Life” piece

Dave—

Here are the edits of Tom’s interview questionnaire. Who let him fill this out on his own? The point was to make him seem relatable! Let me know if you have any questions or would like me to take a second pass at this before we send this back to GQ.

Regards,
Sharon

From: Tom Cruise <tomcruise@churchofscientology.org>
To: Sharon Colby <sharoncolbyPR@churchofscientology.org>
Subject: RE: Tom Cruise “Day in the Life” piece

Hey Sharon!

Here’s the rundown of my day. Thank you so much for everything that you do, in every aspect of the company. I really appreciate all of your hard work, and your individual spirit. I’m looking forward to seeing you move up the bridge.

Praise Xenu,
Thomas Cruise

5:45 A.M.

My alarm goes off. I check my email, tomcruise@churchofscientology.org. I am firmly Team Inbox Zero. My third assistant told me about the people who are Team Inbox 5000. I am all about going clear, so the concept of a completely full mailbox concerns me. Perhaps those people should try auditing!

6:00 A.M.

I meet my personal trainer for a workout session. I’m currently training for the next Mission: Impossible movie! I’m so excited and grateful to get a good workout in to start my day, and to clear my mind and body of all the toxic energy that built up overnight.

7:15 A.M.

I take a long, hot shower. Scalding hot. The steam really helps clear my mind. Can’t wait to get into some auditing sessions later today!

8:00 A.M.

Time for breakfast! My personal chef prepares me eggs, whole wheat toast, and a bowl of fruit. I catch up on the latest news, curated by a team of fellow operating thetans. There are so many SPs in the media these days. I’m so glad I can rely on my OTs to find exactly what I need to know, when I need to know it!

9:00 A.M.

I am picked up by my driver to head to the office for my first meeting with David Miscavige, my best friend and future husband. We have a brief discussion about MOVIEchurch initiatives and MARKETINGmessaging strategy. He massages my feet and we catch up. I ask him about his weekend with his wife, Shelly. I haven’t seen her in awhile, but Dave reassures me that she’s just busy!

10:00 A.M.

I head to my first auditing session of the day. I love the whir of the e-meter, the passion in my fellow OT’s eyes. I’m ready to go deeper, learn more about myself, and stop dwelling on the past. I use this time to recharge and refocus.

3:00 P.M.

Lunch time! Wow, my day’s flying by! I check my phone again, scroll through Twitter, and answer emails. I also listen to my scripts on tape MY IPHONE and try to think about the character’s past traumas, and I consider just how many thetans may be present in that character. My goal is to one day never play an SP character, but I think my REAL goal is to one day live in a world where SPs are just memories, so there are no characters based on them!

4:00 P.M.

I shop for turtlenecks, leather jackets, and motorcycle helmets online. So much cool stuff out there!

5:00 P.M.

I listen to another Jack Reacher novel on MY IPHONEtape. What do you guys think—should Jack Reacher go back????

6:00 P.M.

I head to my next audit session. My mind is racing from my super busy day!

8:00 P.M.

Late dinner. I’m by myself, except for my three assistants, housekeeper, and contractually obligated girlfriend. We I enjoy a nice, clean meal of organic, natural ingredients.

9:30 P.M.

Listening to more scripts, I look over my travel for the next day. I pack my pocket sized copy of Dianetics, just so I can brush up on the go!

11:00 P.M.

I get into bed and start winding down. I look over some of my favorite handwritten passages from L. Ron Hubbard’s personal diaries, then I turn on the TV for a bit. Have you seen American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson? My buddy John Travolta is so great in it!

12:00 A.M.

I do some light meditation, and I fall asleep contemplating Xenu. Did it hurt when the volcanoes exploded? Why did he choose earth to populate with thetans? Can’t wait to start my day tomorrow!

2:00 A.M.

OK, I couldn’t fall asleep at first, so I start Googling crazy stunts and things like “will I die if I jump off an aircraft carrier onto a speedboat?” I guess you’ll have to find out in my next movie!!! 🙂