The Graduate: {One Wish} of a Boy from Topeka

There once was a boy from Topeka
who had crushes on all his male teachers.
In sixth grade, his wish
involved D.A.R.E. Officer Gish,
a dark room, and his pants ’round his sneakers.

In eighth grade, his problem felt scary,
so he stole from the local library.
Cracking open book spines,
he hoped he might find
confirmation that palms can’t get hairy.

In High School, he got even meeker.
He’d twitch and he’d sweat like a tweaker.
Even Mr. Bechard
could get the boy hard!
(But Coach Kelley made his knees far weaker.)

By the start of his junior year
most everyone knew he was queer.
But that didn’t mean
he was going to come clean
about the way Mr. Loy made him leer.

Senior year, his problem was bleaker,
even lusting for subs and guest speakers.
Upon graduation,
Swore off infatuation…
Well, except for his poster of Steve Kerr.