Prompt Images
Tall. Dark. Mysterious. Impossible to capture. The ultimate celebrity. Everyone, feast your eyes on my celebrity crush: the giant squid.
I know it’s not your typical celebrity crush, or even a crush per se, but I’m here to plead my case. They’re more of a loving obsession than crush, but go with it.
Giant squids are famous worldwide, and I assume universe-wide. Since 1874, when Moses Harvey was first to photograph the giant squid, these slimy suckers have kept humans guessing. Before that first photograph, no one even knew if these squids were real or pure myth. They are literally unbelievable.
In the almost 150 years since we had proof of their existence, giant squids have somehow become more elusive and mysterious while maintaining their worldwide fame. It makes national news when a baby giant squid pops up in a Japanese harbor (fine, maybe not national news but it definitely comes up when you have a Google alert set).
Everything about these giant squids is exactly what you look for in a crush. The intrigue, the infamy, the mystery. They don’t have to do anything except be seen. Without even trying, they have become the cool kids of the sea.
And if you thought you could be the one to tame their wild ways, think again. No institution has been able to keep one alive because they are THAT GOOD at playing hard to get.
Personally, I’ve been chasing my giant squid crush since I was 7, making this my longest relationship. As a young, impressionable dame, I found a book about them in my basement and soon after, saw a model of one at the National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C. You could say it was love at first sight.
Some girls draw their crushes name in their notebooks. I filled mine with sketches of squids (don’t be fooled, I still do). Some little girls dream of being ballerinas or the first woman president, but I dream of being the first to capture the giant squid and living together happily ever after.
Now a young adult, giant squids still fill me with childish excitement. I’ve gained new appreciation for any and all squids because #cephalopodlove. Octopi will do in a pinch, but in my heart of hearts, I’m definitely a squid girl. Specifically, a giant squid girl.
I recently had a chance encounter with my squidbrethren while on vacation. I was visiting the Natural History Museum in Paris when I came face-to-face with a giant squid. Granted, it was a model, but still, my heart was all aflutter. It was a true Thanksgiving miracle to spend the holiday with my squidfam.
Friends have often asked me why I maintain this obsession, and I find it difficult to explain, not because it’s some “the heart wants what the heart wants” feeling, but because it’s all so obvious.
First of all, they’re boss. They live in the deep sea, and who knows what the fuck goes on down there. It is a whole new world that even scientists know almost nothing about. Meanwhile, giant squids rule that shit. Who doesn’t like a squid in power?
Giant squids are the ultimate bad boys who don’t play by the rules. They’re outsiders who aren’t scared of the dark, of the depths, of anything. And they roam wherever they want to roam. You’re not going to tell a giant squid how to live its life. Who can resist the appeal of being so wrong but so right?
They’re giant. Giant squids are, in fact, giant. Who doesn’t go for tall, amirite ladies??
Now, I’ve heard the gossip. All these land-dwellers like to call giant squids ugly, which is ironically shallow when we’re talking about a deep sea creature. So, if you haven’t already caught the squidfeels, give me a chance to explain.
Even I can admit it’s tough to find an appealing picture to post as your #MCM, even though squids are my #MCE (man crush everyday). But they don’t want to conform to your unfair beauty standards — when they do make an appearance, they are so swimmy it’s hard to get a clear picture. Especially near the ocean surface, where the commotion they create blocks any good view of their majestic bodies.
Even in their deep sea territory, photos do not do squids justice. Trust me. I’ve looked. Unfortunately, underwater cameras are not the best at capturing clear images, which is a tragedy, because it’s 2016, and I should be able to have a clear picture of my one true love in its natural habitat. This is fucking ridiculous, camera-makers. Get it together.
Another problem with the deep sea cameras is that a lot of the images capture giant squids battling each other. Now, when your heart aches with love like mine does, the last thing you want to see is a squid on squid attack when you can’t even do anything to mediate or protect them.
Such complex creatures. So beautiful, so complicated. So out of reach.
Like all celebrity crushes, all I can do is love from afar. I will likely never come in contact with a live giant squid, although a girl can dream.
You know what they say, “There are many fish in the sea but giant squids are the fish for me.”
THAT WAS A TEST. Squids are cephalopods, not fish. Props if you caught that. If not, up your squidknowledge ASAP.
Now that you’re hooked on squids, I’d like to share some literature to fuel your squidfire.
- The Search for the Giant Squid: The Biology and Mythology of the World’s most Elusive Sea Creature by Richard Ellis. (This guy got me addicted. It was the first book I ever read about giant squids and I haven’t stopped since.)
- Preparing the Ghost by Matthew Gavin Frank. (The most recent squid book I read about the man who started it all with a photograph, Moses Harvey.)
- @allthingssquid (My twitter account dedicated to keeping the world in the know about the squidworld.)
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