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I have a great idea, and that’s the problem.
When I was 3 years-old, I had an idea to make shoes with wheels on them. I don’t think I had ever seen or heard of roller skates before this, which means I pretty much invented roller skates like 100 years after they were invented. And with that curious mind and ripe imagination, I have always found myself with great ideas. And that’s the problem.
Well, the ideas themselves are fine, and the idea of having ideas is great. The issue lies in the sadness of an unfulfilled idea.
I have hundreds of ideas but lack the time, patience, and fortitude to do anything with them, and having hundreds of unfulfilled ideas is incredibly depressing.
Obviously my lack of stick-to-itiveness is the root of the problem, but I can’t help it; I have ADHD. I have never been diagnosed because I went to kindergarten in the 80s and they treated hyperactivity by telling you to get it out of your system at recess. We probably all had peanut allergies too, but we cured them by not being pussies and eating a shit ton of PB&Js.
Despite my chronic lack of focus, I find myself with an endless pile of creative thoughts, which lead to ideas, which may or may not lead to action. For example, if my idea is to learn how to make paella, I may only get as far as buying a cast iron skillet. Or, if my idea is to start an amazing TV podcast called Binge-Worthy, I’ll probably spend an afternoon choosing the perfect intro theme music and then tell everyone I know about it, but never actually record anything.
I lack follow-through. And that’s my problem.
The other day I had an idea that might solve my problem, if not for the fact that my problem will most likely prevent the idea coming to fruition. So instead of building it myself, I’m writing about it, in hopes that a better man or woman than I might create my solution. You ready for it? OK, here it is:
I (see: someone) need to build YouIdea: a YouTube for half-baked thoughts. A repository for unfulfilled proposals. The vault of schemes. An organized space where doers can interact with unorganized thinkers. A place where investors can flip through a catalogue of potentially awesome/terrible ideas. An open portal where creative people can see their dreams come to fruition in the hands of the motivated.
Look, I’m not trying to patent or copyright anything. I’m just a pitch man, here to release ideas like balloons. For now, I’ll just get the brainstorm ball rolling…
Someone needs to bring back MTV’s Singled Out. How is it possible, in a society where Tinder and Married at First Sight are both allowed to exist, that Singled Out has been off the air since the late 90s? PREPOSTEROUS! While we’re at it let’s bring back Elimidate and 5th Wheel. Both were masterpieces.
You like that? Well how about this?
Someone needs to create an app to efficiently identify sports bars in rival cities. A simple interface where you can select the city you’re visiting and the team you follow. “Red Sox + New York City = Professor Thom’s” or “Steelers + Rome = La Botticella”…BOOM.
Not for you? Fine. Try this.
Someone needs to start a petition for airlines to enforce a rule that airplane seats are not allowed to recline during daytime flights. The discomfort for the person behind you is way out of proportion to the extra comfort of moving back a few inches. At best, those inches make it difficult to work on your laptop; at worst, you have a double vodka tonic on your pants.
There’s more where that came from.
Someone needs to greenlight a remake of The Sting. It won’t be as good as the Robert Redford/Paul Newman classic, but 1973 was a lot time ago and some increased visual technology would improve that movie’s perfect plot. And it should be re-cast with all black actors.
Ready for this one? This is the blockbuster. Follow me now.
Someone needs to open a strip club in an airport. HOW ARE THERE NO AIRPORT STRIP CLUBS!?! You have a bunch of businessmen (and women) with expense accounts and time to kill, who are forced to drink at Chili’s and watch ESPN2 on mute. I get that there might be some liability issues and legislative challenges but this is America, man…there is money to be made. Look, I’ll even name them for you. Denver’s got The Mile-High Club. Playovers is obviously at O’Hare. And don’t forget about Stewardesses, Full Frontier, JetBoob, Landing Strips, Funways, Bunways, etc.
Look, man, I’ve got so many ideas. I could keep going, and I hope to, I just need help.
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