The Right Time for An {Apology}

“I’m sorry. For this. For bringing you here after what I’ve done. I know this is probably the last place you want to be. But, if we didn’t do this now, then I may never have the chance to really explain myself. I really just need you to listen, to UNDERSTAND. Can you do that for me? Just listen.”

“Well, you’re here, so I suppose you don’t necessarily have a choice.”

“So, your first question is probably ‘Why did you do it?’ The answer, to me, is pretty damn obvious. You’re always on my mind. Even when I don’t see you, I am thinking about you. Missing you. And, I know this is more my insecurities than your problems, but I’ll go to visit you at work, and I’ll see you talking to him. And it’s just too much. You talk and flirt and laugh so damn much and touch his arm when I’m right outside. Do you know how it makes me FEEL? I take time out of my day, run the risk of getting fired because I’m always late coming back from my breaks, and I have to see that in front of me. And you act like I’m not even there. Watching. Seeing.”

“Don’t you dare scowl at me. I really don’t think you’re in the position to be angry.”

“But I promised myself I wouldn’t yell. Or make it out to be all your fault. And here I am, raising my voice, blaming you, getting angrier and angrier. So, let’s refocus on me. Us. What we have here. Just you and me, sitting across from each other, having a conversation like two people in love are supposed to have. I’m going to tell you how I really feel. I’ve been rather upfront about why I did what I did… but, I want to make sure you believe me. I’m going to hold your hands, just so you know how honest I’m being. How much I believe in US, in THIS. In what we HAVE. The life we’ve created together.”

“Why are you crying? Don’t cry. The last thing I ever want to do is make you cry.”

“Why did you just flinch when I touched your face? Do you not want someone to wipe your tears away? Help you be happy when you’re sad? Do yo?u not trust me? It’s not like… it’s not like I cheated on you! Is that what you think this is about Do you think I would ever consider being unfaithful to you? Even when you rub the other men in YOUR life in MY face? I’m doing this for us. The reason I brought you here is so you could truly and finally UNDERSTAND how much I love you. Even if you don’t know who I am. I know who you are, I see you – even if you don’t see me.”

“Now…”

“I’m going to take this ridiculous clown mask off. I know who you are, I see your face, and you have no idea who I am. And how can we expect to have a rational, adult conversation with you tied to a chair and me in this damn mask! How silly of me. How… IMPOLITE! Then, I’m going to remove the duct tape from your mouth…

And I’m sorry to have to say this

…if you scream, I will slit your throat.”