{Pumpkin Spice} OUTRAGE: Everybody’s Talking about Lattes, but Where’s the Love for PolyStyrene Latex?

We’ve heard a lot of hubbub over recent years heralding PSL as standing for Pumpkin Spice Lattes, a popular fall drink known to Starbucks Coffee stores. Well I’m here to remind you about the real PSL MVP:

PolyStyrene Latex!

Sure, PolyStyrene Latex might not be the coolest thing on the block in the meme-lenial generation of 2017, but let’s take a minute and reflect on what it supports—PolyStyrene Latex beads. You know ‘em, you love ‘em, you use ‘em to test serums, cerebrospinal fluids, and urine for minute amounts of antigens or antibodies.

This Pumpkin Spice Latte nonsense is getting out of hand. Who can really know what comprises the mixture known as “pumpkin spice.” Nutmeg? Cinnamon? “Natural flavors?” A bunch of mumbo jumbo, if you ask me. It’s a mystery!

Not PolyStyrene Latex. The recipe is clear-cut:

Any questions?

Now I know you can’t just go ahead and buy PSL with a tap of your iPhone like those cool-cats at Starbucks let you do with their Pumpkin Spice Lattes, but it’s still pretty easy to get your hands on some sweet, sweet PolyStyrene Latex.

Simply apply for a research grant. After initial review, submit your thesis to the Massachusetts Board for Stabilized Particle Research. Once approved, it’s a point and click before you’ve got 100 mL of .03 diameter(μm) PS030NM at your lab mailroom for just $575. You won’t get a 10 percent discount for using your own Jack Skellington mug, but the value is undeniable! That’s a mere $19,166.6667 per μm! We can all agree, that’s an insane deal.

But Starbucks Rewards are cool, too, I guess. ;-P

Pumpkin Spice Lattes are a seasonal item. And even then, you gotta drink it while it’s hot or else—BLEGH! But I’ll tell you what about PolyStyrene Latex—it freezes. That’s right. Store it in your industrial-grade freezer for up to 5 months before chemical breakdown. And if you pasteurize it into a balanced-particle state, you’ve got a near eternity* of utility (*6 months). (WARNING: Latex beads are not considered sterile.)

Listen we don’t want to spoil anybody’s fall season. I know PSL holds a dear place in everybody’s hearts. The next time somebody calls you “basic” for grabbing your daily dose of PSL, remind them what it really means to you, to all of us: PolyStyrene Latex.

Paid for by the Greater American Lobby for PolyStyrene Latex.