POETRY: The Gray Quilt

the third year of loving you took place through my phone learning to adjust the angles of the camera hoping you still found the pixels of me attractive hiding my belly under the gray quilt i bought when I thought you would be moving in tilting my chin toward the lamplight never soft enough circling dark under my eyes removing the hat that I knew you hated every time I thought you’d call smiling when i didn’t want to hating the way my teeth looked willing you to believe I was happy trying not to blame you for the distance between us training myself to be okay through repeating how are you where are you how are you where are you rituals that became flailing prayer good night I love you good night I love you hanging up on your picture watching the screen go bright then black leaving offset reflections of my face and if I am being honest doubt