Panic at the {Debate}! Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Everyone, please, I beg you. We stand on the precipice of the collapse of liberal democracy in its entirety. Huge swaths of our society have already chosen, somehow, to ignore all historical precedent and reason; all logical thought and empathy; all factual evidence used in quite literally every intellectual discourse occurring on Earth today. If we make light of this very real and very serious culture war, we’re creating the possibility of a a faux-despotic governmental trash person to be on TV all the time starting wars with all peoples domestic and abroad.

We could lose everything. Do you understand?  We need discourse. We need sound judgement, sanity, coherence. We can’t have games.

Did you watch the first debate?  So did the entire planet. And they freaked the fuck out. This is why we can’t have nice things. We’ve ruined any possibility of this being funny anymore. It’s over. We need to follow rules now. Op-eds written by men and women of letters, taken seriously and analyzed by academics and experienced social policy experts, sussed out by community leaders and respected individuals of high ethical standing, considered by an informed civic population who are treated with respect and compassion, where every level of the chain moves towards the goal of a higher social conscious and quality of life.

We need debates!
But, barring that, we could really just let them both go at it ad infinitum and see which one makes Andrew Sullivan off himself first. It will be close.