{Olympics} Miniprompt: Are You the Katie Ledecky of Anything?

Katie Ledecky has completely dominated the women’s 1500m freestyle for over a decade. She owns the top 10 times across history, and last week, she crushed the field to where they were not even in the visible frame when she finished the race. There is no doubt or question… she is the best to ever do it. 

So we asked our writers… What are you the Katie Ledecky of?

Kelaine Conochan

I am the Katie Ledecky of the full body sweat. Sure, there are lots of people who sweat better than I do in the armpits, back, or brow. But to get your entire body sweating, you really have to train for it. You have to love the process. You have to understand that your friend’s daughter is going to ask you “How do you sweat so much?” when you sub out of a coed basketball game and wipe your entire body down with a towel, while everyone else on the court looks dewy, at worst. You have to understand that you will glisten like a dolphin.

This is the kind of commitment to my craft that I bring to sweating every single day.

And like Ledecky, I’m no sprinter. I’m not going to beat people to the single sweat streak running down the side of the face. I don’t get hot easily. But if you give her 1500m or give me 90°F, I will run away with the gold. After heat training my body—hours in a sauna, running in sweatshirts—when my core temperature rises, you do not stand a chance. Not that you’d want to. This is not exactly the most glamorous podium stand you’ll ever see.

Jillian Conochan

I am the Katie Ledecky of losing my voice at the slightest provocation. As a coach and karaoke enthusiast, I have to make sure my team doesn’t have a game after a late night singing Lisa Loeb. You say I only hear what I want to? Well do us both a favor and ask the band to turn it down, because I already can’t talk above a whisper. Bartender, by chance, do you have any Throat Coat Tea back there?

Josh Bard

I am the Katie Ledecky of overbooking and trying to do everything, even when it leads me to exhaustion because I hate to say no to things. Last week, I missed a haircut because I was recording a podcast after work, where I was doing two jobs because someone was on PTO. This was a Wednesday. Why would anyone give themselves that much to do on a freaking Wednesday?!? Why?

Even now, I am writing this in between things while on vacation! And I thought about not adding my reply to the Google Doc and hoping someone else would pick up where I fell short, but of course I’m going to put it into the Google Doc. Why?!?! Because when you are the Ledecky of something you want to honor your god-given ability.

Jay Heltzer

I am the Katie Ledecky of washing dishes. When I stand at the double sink–one filled with suds, the other carrying a drying rack yearning for clean, wet dishes–I am in the zone of greatness. It matters not if the dinner was crafted in now-scalded cookware, consumed every bowl in the cabinet, or required more spatulas than the Great British Bake-Off, I will attack every single dish, knife, bowl, and other cooking implements for a thorough cleaning. Too much soap is where I do my best work. And don’t even think of talking to me as I am doing dishes. Can’t you see the airpods? I’ll block you out like E.J. Liddel beneath the basket. You can set your watch to my dish work. It only takes one episode of Big Bang Theory to get my dishes so spankin’ clean… you could eat off of them.

Heather Shaff

If introversion was an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medal contender for sure. Small talk or idle chatter? Watch me channel my inner Buddha like a meditating Simone Biles blocking out the entire gymnastics arena, connecting to the deep quiet within herself. The last quiet seat on the bus or train during a chaotic and crowded commute to work? Watch me fight for that ball to the death in a match worthy of the U.S. women’s national soccer team. Social engagement or invitation? Watch me squirm and swim away faster than Katie Ledecky, leaving you all in my wake wondering what happened. Introversion may not be pretty or popular, but at this game I’m pretty sure I’ve got you all beat.

Natalie Brandt

I am the Katie Ledecky of catastrophizing. My unique aptitude for extrapolating an entire future from an insignificant moment today is unmatched for both its speed and specificity—my family calls it “Natastrophizing.”

See, you just thought you were running late for dinner, when in reality, you’re falling out of love with me. And I shouldn’t have taken the academic job I love because if I were still a pricey attorney I could better support myself in my golden years when I’m alone. And despite being miserable because I’m practicing law again, I’d still have the house my grandkids would want to come to, but only if I’m not too old and hideous to look at, which is a real issue because I’m clearly already trending hideous because you’re obviously already falling out of love…