Prompt Images
“Hello?”
(LOUD BOAT HORN)
Congratulations, you’ve been selected to win a free Mediterranean cruise. All you have to do is…
“Wrong number!”
(CLICK)
—
“Hello?”
(LOUD BOAT HORN)
Congratulations, you’ve been selected to win a free Mediterranean cruise. All you have to do is call our sweepstakes center by pressing 7 or say “I’m a winner” to be connected to a representative.
“FUCK YOU”
(CLICK)
—
“Hello?”
(LOUD BOAT HORN)
Congratulations, you’ve been selected to win a free Mediterranean cruise. All you have to do is call our sweepstakes center by pressing 7 or say “I’m a winner” to be connected to a representative.
“I’m a winner.”
Hello winner, can I get your name please?
“How did I win a cruise without you even knowing my name? … It’s Josh by the way.”
Thank you Jon. And congratulations on your Mediterranean cruise. We can get that all squared away in no time, after I just get a little bit of information from you.
“Yeah, sure thing, thanks. By the way, what company do you work for? Who is giving me this cruise? There’s gotta be some catch, right? They always say ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch.’”
Technically, the lunches on the cruise are not free, but the breakfasts and dinners are. Let’s get started with date of birth.
“It’s June 11th. Actually, can you tell me more about this cruise before I give you more personal information?”
Thank you Jon. The cruise leaves on Day 1 from Athens, Greece and returns to the same port on the eighth day. Cities you may visit include Rome, Monaco, Nice, and Barcelona. You will be put up in a standard, interior room on a midsize ship that has all of the modern amenities including—
(AWKWARD PAUSE)
“Hello? Are still there? Including what?”
Ok, here’s the deal Jon. <y supervisor just walked out of the room. I need your help. I probably have 90 seconds. I’m being held captive on a midsize Mediterranean cruise ship, forced to trick a bunch of idiots like you, no offense, to take this same cruise, where you will be stuck forever, like me, recruiting others. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did.
I’ve never actually gotten this far into talking to a person. Some guy told me to stick the Mediterranean up my ass. Anyways, I need you to alert the authorities. I don’t know what this company’s name is. You are already asking better questions than I ever did. All I know is that we are on a big boat that says ‘Escape Vacations’ on the hull. The irony is not lost on me. To the best of my knowledge we are circling somewhere in the Mediterranean, though we could have slipped into the Black Sea by now. There are probably 400 of us on the boat, people from all over the world.”
“Hey, probably not the best time, but my name is actually Josh.”
Jon, I need you to contact the authorities and have them start a search. My name is Ryan Willowsby and I am from Tucson, Arizona. People are likely looking for me. There must be a paper trail—
“Honestly Ryan, the whole thing always seemed like a scam. I was just bored-”
on! This is real. This is my life. I am not asking for money, just talk to someone who can get in touch with the United States government. I can’t take this anymore. The people who are in charge are a mix of Russians and Americans, I think. And nothing good has ever happened when Americans and Russians work together. We refuel every two days, which means nothing to me but maybe it can help identify the boat or the size of the boat to look for. They record and review the calls, so I am going to need you to act fast…
“Is this Undercover Boss or something?”
JON! HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? Shit, they heard me. They’re coming back now.
Well, no sir, we don’t have a casino on the boat but we will make port calls in places with them. So how about we get some of your information down here so you can help me move forward?
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