More Than Just Another Cop Show: The Spring Lineup of CBS Procedurals

Building off of the success of television’s number one rated prime-time lineup, full of police procedurals and Sheldon procedurals, CBS is bringing America more of what it loves. Here is the world premiere of the most highly anticipated television lineup this season.

MONDAY

The Big Gang Theory

A familiar and hilarious squad of theoretical physicists are brought into inner city South Central to work with homicide crews in the most ambitious crossover event since Infinity War. Sometimes to beat a common criminal you have to think like one, but other times you have to be way the fuck smarter. The Big Gang Theory airs Mondays at 9 p.m. after those two other Sheldon shows.

Sheldon, in Cell One

You love young Sheldon and can’t get enough of twentysomething Sheldon, so take a trip to middle-aged Sheldon, who has become a mentor to incarcerated felons. Sheldon teaches simple physics to inmates but learns nothing is simple in the big house. Sheldon’s penchant for annoying those around him may be the toughest punishment there is. Sheldon, in Cell One airs Mondays at 10 p.m. after those three other Sheldon shows.

TUESDAY

Police #SquadGoals

Taylor Swift and her squad are out for Bad Blood when they join the force in Los Angeles. Swift and crossover friends Karlie Kloss, Lorde, and Ed Sheeran (as Ed Sheeran) break hearts and smash the patriarchy, all while hunting down high-end criminals in the Hollywood Hills. How does Taylor do it? She knew you were trouble when you walked in. Police #SquadGoals airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m.

C(h)opped

Four cops that have nothing to do with each other are forced to work together even though their styles contrast. Can they find a way to unite their flavors? Can the cop-testants bring a case to the judges that they will find palatable? Are the last 30 seconds enough to make a vinaigrette? Will the ice cream maker work? C(h)opped airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. after Police #SquadGoals.

The Patriot Act

New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft and recently retired Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski care about three things: Super Bowls, women in their 20s, and stopping terrorism by infiltrating citizens’ private information. Freedom isn’t free, and thanks to Bob and Rob, neither are many terrorists. The Patriot Act airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. after C(h)opped.

WEDNESDAY

CSI: High School

Everyone wants to stop a school shooting, but no one does it as well as the CSI team. Parsing through scenes of past tragedies, Jodie Sweetin, Jonathan Lipnicki, and their millennial-forward staff work to bring down shooters before they even leave the dark web. CSI: High School airs Wednesdays after CSI: Miami.

CSI: The ’80s

When cops need help to stop all sorts of peculiarly devious aliens, they turn to a gang of local teens, armed with an arsenal of pop culture references and darn-cute curiosity. These cops and kids will have to relearn how to trust each other every week, as a terror unveils trouble on their kitchily eerie small town. CSI: The 80’s airs after CSI: High School, which directly follows CSI: Miami.

Queer Eye for the: CSI

Ever wonder how homeowners recover from a traumatic criminal act on their property? Who do you call when trying to get over the bloodstains, broken windows, stolen goods, and the devastating toll of the emotional anguish? The Fab Five work alongside local law enforcement and evidence experts to help traumatized victims get back to living their best lives. Queer Eye for the: CSI airs Wednesdays after CSI: The 80’s, which airs after CSI: High School, which directly follows CSI: Miami.

THURSDAY

The Boys in Blue

The only way to take down an international steroid syndicate is to employ someone who can get inside the game. When the cops and feds can’t catch athletes who use illegal performance-enhancing drugs, the force pairs up with a set of men who see everything – major league umpires. The Boys in Blue airs Thursdays at 8 p.m., after the World Series.

Order and Law

Tired of the monotony of a chronological police procedural where a crime is committed, investigated, and always solved in the last minutes of the hour? Order and Law flips that on its head. Each episode begins with no mystery at all, but as it goes on, a motive is determined and the suspect is introduced, all within a half hour! Life moves too slowly to wait an hour for closure. Order and Law airs Thursday nights after The Boys in Blue.

FRIDAY

NCIS: Varsity Letters

You know all those NCAA athletes who go pro in something other than sports? In a difficult hiring environment and when no other jobs are available, these jocks put their Psych degrees to work for them – and the Navy. Only high-motor athletes can outrun and outjump criminal masterminds, while staying prepared for anything, because they’ve done their homework! NCIS: Varsity Letters airs Fridays at 8 p.m.

TaskRabbit Case Files

With crime on the rise in San Francisco, cops need all hands on deck, so they outsource their work to the TaskRabbit app. In the middle of the tech hub, the San Fran police are now the newest start-up, playing the game of numbers and algorithms in employing a cop on every corner. TaskRabbit Case Files airs Friday nights after NCIS: Varsity Letters.

Cops and Jokers

Think cops are all big meanies with badges and guns? When the New York Police Department needs a branding makeover, they reach out to the guys from Impractical Jokers to help them gain valuable public favor. But soon, the NYPD realize that the Jokers’s ability to maneuver through crowds unnoticed makes them phenomenal spies and can get police presence in corners of Manhattan not welcome to police. Cops and Jokers airs Friday nights after TaskRabbit Case Files.