Middle Urinal Confidence: A Study

The penis is not a very versatile tool, but it does enable the user to urinate while standing without worrying about getting urine on your legs or feet. Peni (the plural form of penis, like how cactus becomes cacti) are quite portable with stow-and-go technology, as well as unstow-and-flow urine dispensation. While wiener-wielders can urinate wherever they wish, most locations are either illegal or socially unacceptable. That is why most public locations offer urinals in certain restrooms.

Urinal etiquette is very much a thing.

From an early age, penis-bearers are expected to learn the unwritten rules of urinal etiquette without being taught. To be fair, it is quite easy to figure out some of the more common sense rules, like don’t drop your pants to the floor and use both hands to hold your shirt up while you pee. We can all clearly see that you were taught neither proper etiquette nor how to wipe.

Anyway… it will help to picture a hypothetical situation. Imagine three urinals in a row, each separated by a dividing wall. There should always be a dividing wall. The first dongman takes a side urinal. The second takes the opposite side, leaving a space cushion, as per proper urinal etiquette.

This is known as the middle urinal and it can be approached with either trepidation or confidence.

It’s a unique feeling to be around someone with middle urinal confidence, MUC for short. Having been next to many middle urinal approachers, I have witnessed many different levels of confidence. There are some people that have performance anxiety and have to fake their urination. There are some who are much too comfortable with the idea of starting a literal, and very noisy, pissing contest.

I have studied MUC for years, wondering how some people can be so comfortable unleashing a torrent of urine as if they were mad at the urinal. I often wonder if they are healthy, if they drink enough water, and if they only have one chance to urinate any given day. It is often like putting on a show.

Personally, I’m in it for the long hall. I set a college record my freshman year with a 2-minute continuous stream, after which I received a standing ovation. But that was in a standard toilet, which carries with it another set of etiquette rules for the penisly-gifted, when I did not bother to deaden the sound.

How does one develop MUC?

Thus far, I have found two methods. The first is to improve confidence levels. The second is to improve inebriation levels. When a dingle-dangler is drunk, they can urinate for hours over the course of a single night of binge drinking. The need to urinate overwhelms and quiets any performance anxiety that may arise via pure desperation to undo buttons and zippers before catastrophe strikes.

Research continues and it is a slow process. In the meantime, additional research will be conducted on stall etiquette and will include non-penised peoples.

If you have any contributions to make, please contact @thomasviehe on Twitter using the hashtag #MUC.