Life Lessons from Your {Disappointed Mother}

How many times growing were you told you were disappointing or something you did was disappointing? Probably more than you can count. It was worse than being yelled at. It triggered that gut-wrenching guilt, anxiety and self-torture you didn’t know an 8 year old could possibly understand. Living through those moments was pure hell! Well, for that I say “Thanks Mom!”

Growing up, disappointing your mother was probably a daily exercise.

Here are some of the things you did that might have disappointed your mother over the years:

• Didn’t share with your sister.
• Tried to sneak an extra snack from the cabinet.
• Were a “mean girl” to one of the kids at the swim club and didn’t include them.
• Pushed a little punk into the pool at said swim club when you thought no one was watching but your eagle-eyed mother caught you (even though that kid deserved it).
• Tried to sneak off to school with lipstick or a piece of jewelry you weren’t supposed to.
• Got in a fight with your bestie over something stupid and decided not to talk to her for almost a year instead of being the bigger person and apologizing.
• Dated a turd who treated you like crap but refused to break up with him out of rebellion to your parents.
• Got caught drinking in college and coincidentally received a letter from the disciplinary office in which your mother worked.
• Partied a little hard freshman year of college and your grades reflected it.
• Got fired from a job you hated anyway because you stopped caring about your work.

As you can see, disappointment is something you will never outgrow. When you are a young child, you disappoint in the process of testing your boundaries. From there, you tend to disappoint some to be accepted by others in your social groups. And as you become a professional, sometimes you are left with decisions that will ultimately disappoint some people in order to do what is right.

The question is, how do you take disappointment and learn from it?

In my house, my mom didn’t stop with just being disappointed. There were consequences to face. What I’ve learned is that the sooner we teach our children this basic concept, the better off they’ll be. When I pushed that kid into the pool, the result of my mother’s disappointment was, “Go apologize in person or never swim there again.”

With the summer only half over, I trudged over—embarrassed and defeated—and said I was sorry.

When I partied hard in my first year of college, the consequence was move off campus or pay my own housing. And when my parents held true to their word, I accepted that I got what I deserved and moved on. I found a way to succeed on my own and turn my punishment into an opportunity for empowerment. I applied, interviewed and became a resident assistant senior year, earning free housing and moving back on campus.

Time and time again, I see the whole “disappointment” conversation go down, but if we aren’t teaching our kids from a young age that consequences follow, we’re not helping anyone. Too often we blame coaches, teachers, and employers for disappointments when the finger needs to be pointed the other way. If your boss has been disappointed in your performance, why the hell are you disappointed that you didn’t get a raise? This is the consequence you commanded!

The way I see it, you have two options when it comes to disappointment:

1) Work through what you did that created that disappointment, and keep that in mind the next time you make a decision. Learn and grow from it.

2) Feel sorry for yourself, look for pity from others, and never hit your mark. Pout, whine, and stagnate.

In my mind, the decision is easy. And I have my disappointed mother to thank for that!