An Incomplete and Growing List of Types of People at the Airport

The professional gentleman who is relaxed and headed on vacation, as indicated by the Tommy Bahama button shirt with palm trees, khaki shorts recently pressed, and leather briefcase

The always-elbow-hanging purse lady in leggings and a tank top no matter the occasion

The young wife who is already fed up with her husband who proudly knows how airports operate

The male college student who keeps it real with his R2-D2 rolling suitcase

The female college student with long tan legs emerging from short shorts, wearing a sweatshirt with either her college or her sorority advertised in big letters. Her hair is tied back somewhere on her head (top, side, sides, nape of the neck)

The entitled passenger (any gender) with a suitcase they know is entirely too big for any storage compartment inside the plane, and yet…

The guy in a tracksuit who hasn’t exercised in a calendar year

Someone significantly taller than you. Don’t stare

Someone significantly smaller than you that is an adult age. Don’t stare

A young athlete. Not necessarily representing a sport you’ve ever spent money to watch live

A member of the military in uniform. Thank them for their service, let them enjoy your upgrade, or buy their M&M’S, or all the above

Dreadlocks. Don’t stare

Someone with a service animal. Don’t pet the animal. They’re on the job

A couple or a family, all individually wearing the same shirt. Feel free to stare

Someone carrying a case or bag that is long and skinny. Fishing pole? Pool cue? Expensive violin bow? Other?

An older gentleman in a sports coat, button down shirt, slacks, and loafers who doesn’t drop a bead of sweat through the entire traveling process. His suitcases must levitate or are suspended by angels. His wife is the same, but she gently dabs beads of sweat from her upper lip with the grace of a dancer with the Bolshoi Ballet

Straw hat, tee shirt advertising a city without a beach, loose leggings, white socks and shower sandals.

A 51-year old writer who is convinced he’s happier in his favorite Rock and Roll Hall of Fame t-shirt and cargo shorts than the sweat-free, well-dressed man… but knows he could dress better and work less harder