Prompt Images
Show them movies they are not mature enough to watch
Kiss them on the lips
Lie about the goldfish moving to a farm upstate
Dance embarrassingly
Practice casual racism
Walk around the house less than fully dressed
Let them drink underage
Make awkward sex jokes
Make corny jokes and puns with dated references
Ask intimate details about their genitals
Teach them how to bottle their emotions rather than talk
Try to be “the cool parent” when friends are over
Force inheritance of their own various neuroses
“Work” from home
Be a substitute teacher in elementary school and make them miss recess to work on an essay because the drummers had band practice while everyone else worked on their essays and you “didn’t want the drummers to fall behind everyone else” even though there were so few recesses left in my school career, and I was really looking forward to getting a break that day even though I wanted to play the trumpet, not the drums but you figured I wouldn’t have to practice so that you didn’t have to deal with background noise so you made me pick the drums, and if I was in the trumpet group I wouldn’t have missed recess that day, but fuck me, right?
Day drink
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