An Incomplete and Growing List of Things Trump Should Be Taking Instead of Hydroxychloroquine

His temperature

A chill pill

The advice of Anthony Fauci

A cozy afternoon nap

A time out

Cues from Obama

Fewer opportunities to increase the U.S. wealth gap

It easy on the bronzer

An ethics course

His time before rushing to decisions

A hot shower

Care of business… and working overtime

A break from screentime

A hint from his approval ratings

His child to work day

Back Sunday

Himself less seriously

A slice of humble pie

A pie to the face

An ethics course

A political science course

However much cocaine former Toronto mayor Rob Ford was doing

A trip to a store that sells normal length ties and suit jackets

A nine iron to his own dick

Any of this seriously

A daily vitamin regimen

A sabbatical

Credit for turning the U.S. into a shithole country

His stylist’s letter of resignation

The advice of anyone not named Sean Hannity or Jared Kushner

A back seat to anyone in his administration able to string together complete sentences

Hydrox cookies, as they’d be about as effective but (slightly) tastier

Down the border wall

His hands off the Twitter machine

Hydrogenated oils out of his diet

A break from fast food

These broken wings and learn to fly again

A long walk off a short pier

Something like cyanide, which kills much faster