An Incomplete and Growing List of Things For Which {I’m (Mostly) Sorry}

That time in preschool when I asked to ride with my favorite teacher for a field trip instead of with my mom who was chaperoning

That time I hit my brother in the face with the Wii remote while we were playing a very competitive game of tennis

When I was 18 months old and got my parents kicked out of their hotel because I was screaming, and my dad never got his complimentary lobster dinners

Leaving the water running sometimes while I wash my face

Loving Tom Brady

Getting road rage

Walking extra slow across the crosswalk when a car is trying to turn

Not reading all of the articles you send me via text because I hate reading on my phone

Not watching that thing you’ve passionately told me about because I have a defect where I’ll only watch something of my own accord or if I’ve been slowly brainwashed into it

Taking everything personally

Not being fully in love with my childhood dog, Toby, the way I’m fully in love and obsessed with Spuds

Not being interested in music

Throwing away food

Complaining

Moving away

Not visiting you more

Not always wanting to listen to your boy problems

Not listening to that advice posted in the bathroom stall in Barcelona

Pretending I can’t hear you when you call my name from another room when it’s not convenient to get up

Cursing in public

Ghosting

Scurrying past people I know when I see them in public places and don’t feel like talking to them

Getting in other people’s way when I’m focused on my phone instead of where I’m going

Being on my phone too much

Not being enough for you

Not being a good speller

Being condescending

Playing dumb

Being rude to people that I don’t like but who don’t know that I don’t like them

Snapping at people who are just trying to help

That time I had too much tequila at Boogie Nights…

Talking over people at work when I already know their question and the answer

Missing the straw that used to come with my Starbucks Green Tea Lemonade

Being basic and loving Taylor Swift

Hating Hemingway

Letting the patriarchy get me down

Not growing out of the habit of letting water glasses collect in my room

Making my brother think he was adopted and threatening the life of his teddy bear

Not asking my grandparents enough questions

Not being politically active

Not being forthright with my feelings

Hurting your feelings