An Incomplete and Growing List of Situations Where I, A 37 Year-Old Man Who Used to Be Athletic, Have Sent My Back Into Spasm Over the Past 3 Months

biking

scooping cat litter

hiking to Long Pond with Craig

standing up too fast

kneeling during a protest march

tripping on stairs (twice)

carrying boxes up stairs

throwing a shoe at a mouse and missing

throwing a shoe at a mouse and not missing

stretching my back (ironic) while listening to Alanis Morissette (not “Ironic”)

during a set of bedroom squats

during a set of bedtime “squats”

sneezing while lying on the floor

gingerly lowering myself onto a suspect toilet seat in a port-a-potty

cutting a pineapple with a bread knife

accidentally kicking a slightly upraised sidewalk brick

hitting my head on the boom of a sailboat

reaching for a cracker while binging The Last Dance on Netflix

operating the clutch in my car

rolling over in my sleep

twirl-dancing to the song Sara by Fleetwood Mac while using a fitted sheet as a cape

enjoying a grape