How Would You Asterisk Your Spotify Wrapped? {MINIPROMPT}

Spotify just dropped its Wrapped feature, the cutest little piece of data tracking we consent to. But even the most elite of music snobs has a shameful little secret in their listen history. So tell us: how would you asterisk your Spotify Wrapped?

Kelaine Conochan

​​I’m out here getting my money’s worth, y’all. With a VERY aggressive 60,141 minutes of music and podcasts, Spotify says I’m in the top 3 percent of its listeners. Should I be embarrassed? Disgusted? Should I consult immediate medical attention?

Because YIKES. I ran the numbers, and that means that I’ve consciously chosen to have 41 days, 18 hours, 21 minutes worth of noise directed at me. Maybe time to get some more friends, eh?

But you know what’s SUPER crazy? You want to throw an asterisk at me like a ninja star? I don’t commute. I work from home. I don’t even own a car. So these beats? These lyrics? These podcasts? I earned most of them running from my problems. SEE YOU LUNATICS ON THE TRAILS.

Sarah Razner

Four years ago, I would’ve said the most embarrassing thing my Spotify Wrapped was that Taylor Swift was my most listened to artist; but today, I wear that badge with pride. From secret, self-hating Taylor listener to proud Eras Tour attendee, that is what we call growth!

Of course, there is another button this year’s Spotify Wrapped gave me, one that I wish was smaller, and I could hide under my scarf. But alas, I cannot, so yes, one of the top five songs I listened to this year was “Revolting Children” from Matilda: The Musical. Because yes, it is one of my favorite songs to run to. Because yes, listening to children scream singing about toppling their dictator principal fires me up like nothing else. I dare you to prove me wrong.

Jillian Conochan

I have 2 cats, but I don’t identify as “a cat person” (and certainly not “a cat lady”). I do fancy myself a person with good, or at least interesting taste in music. While rap is my preferred genre (with statistics to back it up), I refuse to rest on the laurels of 90s hip-hop; I continue to take in new music via recommendations from my 15 year old punk-ass cousin and podcasts like this one.

Imagine my surprise, then, when my most listened song of 2023 was Lil Boo Thang?? Don’t get me wrong, it’s catchy as hell, had a novel release strategy, and allowed Paul Russell to quit school to pursue music. But it makes me feel shamefully basic for it to have outranked literally everything else.

The only explanation I can find is that it’s only 1 minute and 54 seconds; was I listening back-to-back?

Kevin Shea

I have Spotify installed on my device but rarely use it. Amazon Music is my music streaming app and does not tell me what my top songs for the year are. But 2023 was really not a contest.

1. “Surface Pressure” from Encanto soundtrack
2. “Fixer Upper” from Frozen soundtrack
3. “I’ve Got a Dream” from Tangled soundtrack

If the statistics included late November and December I think The Chipmunk Song would move in there. That one is on heavy daycare rotation this week. Yes the 2 year old chooses the music 94% of the time around here and these are not bad choices at all.  After all we could be listening to The Wiggles!

Michael Maiello

I must never meet my favorite podcasters because to me they will sound slow, perhaps even mentally addled as much of my wrap was played at 1.5x normal. Every economist, academic,  journalist, physicist, literary critic and former pro wrestling manager I listen to sounds like the coked-up guy at a party who stands too close to you and has important insights to share about the secret history of the Korean War (actually, a police action!) while your back’s inches from a wall and you’re worried about knocking over the framed family vacation pictures behind you while the mostly empty beer in your hand has gone warm in the bottle. I’m not sure I can deal with these people at human speed.

Josh Bard

Hi, my name is Josh and I haven’t listened to Taylor Swift for 23 weeks.

Well, I haven’t voluntarily played Taylor Swift in 23 weeks. But because everyone and their mom, and Travis Kelce’s mom, is in the Taylor Swift business, the many many curated Spotify playlists I’ve jumped into have fed me Taylor’s versions of many of the star’s hits. Have I turned them off or skipped them? WHAT IS THIS A CROSS EXAMINATION?

The point is Big Taylor got to Spotify and thus she got to me.

Eric Mochnacz

Since I am a geriatric millennial who still pays for (GASP!) music…

I randomly listened to a choral cover of “I Touch Myself” on Spotify ONE TIME so congratulations that’s your top song of the year.

Jump into the conversation! We’re over on Threads talking about what songs and artists should have been on our 2023 round-up.