How to Sext with Animals

With the continued and gross legality of Gay Marriage in the United States, Americans are more free than ever to indulge whatever unnatural urges they see fit.

Maybe you’ve thought about dating one of the many single animals in your community, but couldn’t think of how to start a conversation. We’ve got you covered!

Emojis are a nonthreatening and casual way of breaking the ice with potential mates of any species.

Here are some sexy conversation starters you can use we GUARANTEE will help you take your first steps down the sinful path to the next logical trend in American relationships…

“Woo woo, Alligator! I can’t tell if you’re a boy or a girl, but that’s okay because everybody has a butthole. “

“Sup, Chipmunk? Looking for a place to hide your nuts this winter?”

“I’ve seen a man hammer a crab, but I’d love to see a crab hammer this man.”

“Hey, panda. What’s black and white and getting fucked tonight?”

“Don’t worry, Anaconda. I’ve got buns, hon.”

“I heard watersports really turn you on, dog. “

“Boo, I ain’t lion. Just looking for a pussy that likes to eat pussy.”

“Plow me now brown cow.”