Hogwarts Headmistress Denied Service for “Inhumane” Treatment of Children

Two minutes. A small cheese plate. A bottle of wine.

That’s all Headmistress Dolores Umbridge and her small party saw of a High Street restaurant Friday evening before they were shown the door.

Susan Westlock, the co-owner of The Snowy Owl, said the decision to ask the Hogwarts Headmistress to leave was due to the school’s “inhumane” treatment of children.

“I debated doing anything at first,” she told The Daily Prophet. “But then I remembered what they were doing to children. This feels like a moment in our world when people have to make uncomfortable decisions to uphold what’s right.”

Ms. Umbridge, who confirmed the story in a tweet early Saturday, claimed that she left “orderly and as a friend of the restaurant.”

“Things in this country are far worse than I feared,” her tweet continued. “I must have misunderstood their reservation policy. So silly of me.”

Ms. Umbridge’s tenure as Headmistress has been plagued by allegations of cruelty towards students. These allegations gained steam again last month when The Prophet published pictures showing Mr. Lee Jordan’s scarred hand after she allegedly forced him to write lines using a blood quill.

In response, over a hundred students staged a walkout during her graduation speech at Beauxbatons Academy of Magic last month. The school declined to address the controversy but noted in a statement that Ms. Umbridge was the first female Headmistress to address a graduating class.

Amos Ipswich and Vesta Fairchild, fellow diners that evening, told The Prophet that they recognized one member of Ms. Umbridge’s party as Marisa Coulter, chair of the General Oblation Board. Devoted readers of The Prophet will remember that Mrs. Coulter has been linked to the detention of children at a facility in Bolvangar.

“At first I didn’t know what to make of the restaurant kicking people out,” Ms. Fairchild said. “But then I noticed [Headmistress] Umbridge and that golden monkey [of Mrs. Coulter’s] and a shiver went down my spine. To think of what they’re doing to children! I for one am glad that The Snowy Owl didn’t let them stay.”

At press time, the General Oblation Board could not be reached for comment to confirm Mrs. Coulter’s attendance at the restaurant that evening. Both Ms. Umbridge and Mrs. Westlock declined to comment further. The Prophet can confirm that Mrs. Coulter’s daemon has settled on a golden monkey as its permanent form.

The incident comes just two weeks after The Prophet recounted the story of 9 year-old Tony Makarios, who claims his daemon was separated from him at the General Oblation Board’s facility in Bolvangar. In a statement last Thursday, Mrs. Coulter denied that her organization was mistreating children.

“There is a lot of misinformation about what G.O.B. is and is not doing as it relates to children at the Bolvangar facility […] Claiming these children and their parents are treated inhumanely is not true, and completely disrespects the hard working men and women at the General Oblation Board.”

In an opinion piece for The Prophet today, Pius Thicknesse notes that these episodes of disrespect show how much damage disgraced Headmaster Albus Dumbledore did to this country. “He fostered a society in which people deny civility to anyone with opposing political opinions.”