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I watch a lot of family TV. And I don’t mean “fun for the whole family” shows—although that’s a fair description for a lot of them—I mean shows where a family and/or family dynamic is front and center. If I’ve learned anything from the many, many hours I’ve spent on my couch, it’s that families are in, and I love it!
With the abundance of parents and kids on shows these days, the world of TV dads has blossomed. No longer are we stuck with the recliner-and-beer dad (though Murray Goldberg is trying to bring it back). Now, we’ve got a dad for every need: shitty dads, funny dads, hot dads, and dads who are probably too good to actually exist in real life.
So, naturally, I had to rank the 13 TV dads I’ve interacted with the most.
12. Roger Peralta – Brooklyn Nine-Nine
This guy is a straight-up mess—in general and as a father. He cheated on Jake’s mom constantly (and was almost always caught! Come on, man), flew in and out of Jake’s life (Get it? Because he’s a pilot, lol) for years on end, and doesn’t even have the decency to save his own son’s number in his phone! And if that weren’t enough, he has secret kids all over the country and keeps getting into pissing contests with Victor Santiago, the father of Jake’s wife Amy—one of which resulted in him cutting his own damn thumb off! Get your life right, Roger. You are a trash dad.
11. Chris – Gilmore Girls
I care so little about this dad, I can’t even be bothered to look up what his last name is. This is unfortunate; when I started my lackluster journey into Stars Hollow, I actually liked him the few times he first showed up. Yeah, he was an absent father, but it seemed like that was because Lorelai didn’t want him around. But over time, Chris became trash too! Good dads don’t barge in on their ex-in-laws’ vow renewal, drunkenly declare that they’re going to win their ex back IN FRONT OF HER NEW BOYFRIEND, and then berate their daughter for hooking up with a guy in the back room. You haven’t earned the right to parent, dude, and attempting to do so while drunk is definitely the wrong time. Go home.
Also: DOESN’T HE HAVE ANOTHER KID LYING AROUND SOMEHWERE?! Sure, sure, her mom whisks her off to live in Paris, but I sure as shit don’t see Chris getting on a plane to visit her…
10. Jonathan Katz – Dr. Katz
This was a difficult one to rank. Considering my husband Lawrence and I go to sleep to DVDs of this show, it makes me want to give the good doc a higher rank. But, I have to look at the facts. Does he love his son, Ben? Of course! But he has done a terrible job of getting Ben to grow up. The younger Katz talks back, blames his dad for his parents’ divorce (despite the fact that his mother was largely absent from his life afterward), and refuses to get a job. Instead of dealing with Ben’s nonsense, Dr. Katz just goes to the bar and complains about him to his friends. Unacceptable, sir. You’re hilarious, but you’re not doing your best in the parenting arena.
9. Ted Mosby – How I Met Your Mother
Sure, we don’t really get to see Ted parent because even though the premise is that he’s talking to his teenage children, the show is all stories from before they were born. But I feel justified in putting him this low because this man FOR REAL sat his kids down and told them stories about how much he wanted to bang one of his best friends so that they’ll be cool with her becoming their new mom. The fact that they’re ACTUALLY OK with this baffles me. Your dead-ass wife (THE TITULAR MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN) is straight up about to start haunting your dick, Ted. And I support her.
8. Murray Goldberg – The Goldbergs
Ah yes, the 80s dad who just wants to sit in his recliner, usually pants-less, and not talk to his own children. If we were back in season one of the show, Murray would probably be a bit lower because he was full-on shtick. But he’s has been making a lot of improvements over the years. He occasionally gets off his ass to provide his kids with actual advice (he’s even told them he loves them, in between shouts of “MORONS!”), he regularly has to parent his idiot younger brother, and he’s getting better as a husband too. Enjoy your learning curve 8 spot, Murr. You’ve earned it.
7. Andre Johnson – Blackish
Andre is the modern-day version of the recliner dad. He’s a little self-absorbed and frequently only steps in when he feels his kids are reflecting poorly on his identity as a black man. It’s not ideal. But just like Murray, he’s learning to be better. I’ve always considered a major driving force of the show to be Andre realizing that his kids’ black experience does not need to mirror his own. What’s more, he’s an example of a modern dad and husband having to realize his own biases and toxic masculinity. He can be infuriating, but he’s making strides.
6. Ned Stark – Game of Thrones
I know some of you are probably losing your minds; how could I possibly rank this pillar of honor so low?! This is a man who hired an expert swordsman to teach his youngest daughter the craft, even though her rowdiness has led to some tough times for him and his family (see: how Arya owning Joffrey’s punk ass meant Ned had to murder a direwolf who wasn’t even there for it). But, this is also a man who let his wife be absolutely horrible to his “son” simply because he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone that the kid was actually his sister’s (and not in an incest way).
First of all, he probably could’ve told Catelyn; she didn’t seem like a gossip. And even if he felt he really couldn’t, he was already one lie deep—why not come up with a sufficient lie about how this kid isn’t his but he has to keep it for reasons? That way, his wife doesn’t treat an innocent child like actual garbage for his entire life. That’s some nonsense, Ned. You’re supposed to be a good guy!
5. Winston Schmidt – New Girl
Schmidt is only shown as a dad for one, short season, but he tackles the job with the same fervor as a presentation for AssStrat. What’s more, I think he’s the first stay-at-home dad I’ve ever seen on TV! That could probably be a fault of my own—I can’t watch every show that exists—but I feel like it’s a big fucking deal. And it’s not like he’s bitter about it! He legitimately wants to be home, taking care of his daughter. A whole episode is devoted to him going to back to work for a single day and hating being away from Ruth so much that he basically begs his wife to let him remain at home. That’s progressive af, y’all. Move out of the way, dads who act like they can’t even bother to look at their kids; Schmidt is smoking your lazy asses.
4. Bob Belcher – Bob’s Burgers
I feel it should be clear at this point how much I love Bob’s Burgers; it’s a lot. I knew from the moment I started this list that Bob was going to be on it, and if you’re surprised that he’s Top 5, then you can leave right now. How could he NOT be? Sure, he’s actively exasperated by his children on a regular basis and often tells them they’re awful at their jobs (well, they ARE!). But you know what else? He lets Tina explore her sexuality with minimal judgment; he gives a great pep talk when she’s upset about being in a short musical where the message is “Kissing is bad” and never once tries to stop her from writing her freaky friend fiction (he just thinks, correctly, she shouldn’t read it out loud at school). Similarly, he is 100 percent cool with his son’s obvious gender fluidity (that’s a whole other conversation, honestly, but we can all agree on this, right?), and he wants to groom his youngest daughter to take over the family business one day. Bob is killing the game, you guys.
3. Phil Dunphy – Modern Family
Yes, I still watch Modern Family, and yes, I think Phil is the best dad. Feel free to @ me. But of all the dads on the show, he’s the only one whose whole point is showcasing how he is as a father and husband. Mitch and Cameron are busy being the gay dads—heavy emphasis on gay—and Jay is busy being the old guy married to a woman who’s barely older than his daughter. (Plus, Jay is just straight up the worst dad on the show.) Phil loves his children, he is actively involved in their lives (often to their chagrin), and he never once apologizes for being a sensitive man. Well, he sometimes does, but it’s usually in a sarcastic, “Well, SOR-REE FOR CARING!” kind of way that I really respond to. A+ dad work, Phil.
2. Louis Huang – Fresh Off the Boat
Louis Wong is basically Phil Dunphy, if Phil were Chinese and a restauranteur. He’s so awkwardly delightful! He comes packed with bad dad jokes and an insistence on knowing everything that’s going on in the lives of those he loves. While we mostly see him interacting with oldest son Eddie—the show IS based on real-life Eddie Wong’s memoir—he tries hard with all his kids. And unlike Andre Johnson, he is a lot better at helping his children navigate their identities as Chinese-Americans; see: the episode where instead of being really mad at Eddie for sharing a beer with his friends, he educates him on the Asian flush. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. Louis, please be my dad!
1. (tie) Jack and Randall Pearson – This Is Us
THERE ARE NO OTHER DADS WHO COULD TOP THIS LIST; DON’T EVEN BOTHER ARGUING WITH ME. First of all, if I sit and think for too long about how beautiful the relationship between Jack (a white man) and his adopted son Randall (a black man) is, I will actively start crying. Extend that to Jack’s relationship with his daughter, a plus-size girl, and tears are guaranteed. Also: JACK PEARSON IS FINE AS FUCK. *fans lady parts*
Then, we have Randall, who has made it his mission to take after Jack as a father while ALSO being a stunning portrayal of what it’s like to live with anxiety issues and perfectionism AND getting his foster daughter to actually trust an adult man. Holy shit. I love these dads. I want to marry Jack while also somehow having Randall be my dad. Seriously. Make this happen, universe!
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