FaceTime with a {Spring Breaker} in Punta Cana

Sing along, to the tune of Allan Sherman’s “Hello, Muddah, Hello Faddah.” 

(First Stanza Instrumental)

Hello Papa! Hello Mama!
Here I am in Punta Cana!
Spring Break’s great and, since it’s your dime,
Yeah, of course, I’ve got a minute here to FaceTime.

We went drinking with Brad Steeping.
He passed out, though. Look he’s sleeping!
No, don’t worry. It was funny.
Drew a penis on his face, dude, it was money!

Oh wait, hold up, are you faking?
Chuckie, kick him—he’s not waking??
Check his breathing—fuck he isn’t?
Shit shit. FUCK! Dude, no way, I can’t go to prison.

Grab his legs, man—CAUSE I SAID SO!
Dude, I swear, man, not the time, bro.
Suck it up, dude. Now we’re in this.
Grab his legs, I’ll grab his arms. We need your help, Chris!

Oh my god! It’s cool, it’s fine, it’s—
Oh my god! will you relax, Chris?
It’s too late, what’s done is done is done.
Move on, get back to having fun.

Here drink this, to calm your nerves and
Chill your brain. Here have another.
Don’t complain. This happens all the time,
I’m sure, ev’rything will be fine.

OK, listen, I’m not frying.
Here’s our story—Chuck, stop crying.
We’ll just tell them—wait where’d Brad go?
Are you fucking kidding WHERE THE FUCK DID BRAD GO?

Oh shit, Papa? Oh hey, Mama.
Didn’t realize, I still had ya.
So, you saw that? Whole time? Yeah, wow…
OK gotta go, bye, see ya, hanging up now!