If Elected: Rules of the Road

If elected,

I will ban 24 hour news networks. There isn’t that much shit going on. You can show 12 hours of news and 12 hours of Mr. Ed, Cheers, Taxi, throwback Saturday morning cartoons, and Golden Girls.

I will place a cap on election spending.

I will make the use of an anthropomorphized version of a food product to sell that food product illegal. Mr. Peanut: illegal. Charlie the Tuna: illegal. Using Mr. Potato Head to sell chips: illegal. Why would your mascot want me to devour it?

Every other weekend will be a three day weekend.

I will change the legislative branch so that each state will have 3 senators. One from each of the following age ranges: 30-49 years old, 50-69 years old, and 70+. When a senator ages into the next range and it is occupied, there will be a special election to determine who stays. There can be only one!

The first week of the baseball season will be hosted in warm weather cities and domes. The World Series will end before November.

I will bring back Road Rules on MTV.