Doin’ Hard Time in the {Lazy River}

“What are you in for?”

“Excessive Force. How ‘bout you?”

“Insanity. I met a guy earlier who was here because of Excessive Force.”

“Insanity? I was in here last time for that one. It’s rough.”

“Hmph…”

“All my buddies wanted to do Insanity. I don’t get it. Your back comes off the slide, so if you lean forward, they say you can fall off. Why would anyone want to do that?”

“Maybe that’s why they call it Insanity… Either way, this is pretty chill. Honestly, I am not sure why everyone always feels ashamed to be here.”

“I think it’s because there are a lot of lone wolves in here. I’ve found it’s good to try to make a friend early, so you don’t feel all alone. I’m Kyle.”

“Hey Kyle, I’m Charlie. I take it you don’t really like the big water slides either, huh?”

“The last time I tried was Excessive Force and I had to walk down all those stairs, clutching the handrail like it was a lifeline. I just left the tube at the top. At some point you figure out what you can’t do.”

“That’s why I never even tried. I’m much more of a wave-pool-and-lazy-river guy. They get bad wraps, but they’re fun. And way more relaxing. What about you? You ever try any of the really big ones like King Cobra?”

“No. It just wasn’t for me. My friends and I used to look forward to The Lazy River. But they grew out of it, I guess. Wanted to go bigger and bigger. If there was a new slide, they had to do it. Twice. But I always loved it here… and couldn’t hack it up there.”

“The same thing happens for me on roller coasters. Do you know how many times I’ve been in the house of mirrors or how many quarters I’ve burned on skee-ball?”

“I once flew too high. Too close to the sun. I tried The Sea Dragon. Up-and-down and up-and-down. Couldn’t wait for it to stop. Everyone around me was loving it. Meanwhile I hated every second. Been on the ground ever since.”

“Kinda feels like we’re serving time now. Stuck here, waiting for our friends on the outside. People come and go, but we’re stuck here, floating on through.”

“I don’t know. I’ve learned to love it. It’s easy. It’s peaceful. I know what is waiting for me.”

“Do you wish you could be out there with the rest of them, though? The freedom they enjoy from fear?”

“Those sounds like some nice dreams. The kind of dreams that can get you hurt out there. I am alright knowing who I am.”

“Just make sure you get outta here before you get a wrinkled and pruney.”