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Hotline to Heaven

Looking for a direct line to access your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Try this super convenient hotline to heaven and dial your party’s extension.

Heather Shaff
November 27, 2024
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An Incomplete and Growing List of All the Dope Autumnal Shit I’m Excited About

Are you excited about the autumn? Well, so is Dennis. And he’s got reasons. Many reasons, all of them wearing sweatshirts and smelling like cinnamon.

Dennis William
November 25, 2024
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Dear Pythia: I’m Hamstrung by My Girlfriend’s Hamster

What do you do when your girlfriend requires you to respect her hamster, Professor Ducksauce, as if he were a real Ph.D.? Pythia has answers.

Dear Pythia
November 8, 2024
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Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers: One Night at the Cadillac Lounge

Uncle Larry may not be the best uncle or the best businessman. But you consider his offer when he wants your help opening the Cadillac Lounge bar.

Jay Heltzer
November 7, 2024
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500 Monkeys

If you leave 500 monkeys with a typewriters for long enough, how long until they type Shakespeare? How long until they type something usable at all?

Dan Farkas
October 16, 2024
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Welcome to the Future! Making Sense of Gen Z Slang

Are you feeling confused, left out, or like all of Gen Z is making fun of you? This guide will help you stay unbothered, moisturized, and in your lane.

Heather Shaff
October 15, 2024
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Struck By a Memory: A Piece of Toast

While we’re all forced apart, Erin finds herself thinking back on memories of her grandfather, brought on suddenly by a plate of toast.

Erin Vail
October 7, 2024
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Who’s the {Sucker} Now, Delta? Emotional Support Pudding at Gate 19B

These days, everybody needs an emotional support animal. We’ve got dogs at the movies, in our restaurants, and on planes. Where do we draw the line?

Josh Bard
October 2, 2024
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{Confetti} Calamity: The Messy Aftermath of a High School Party

Hazel has less than two hours to clean after an unauthorized party, and finds herself losing time in confetti-covered carpet and crushes.

Sarah Razner
September 30, 2024
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