Breaking the Stereotype: Confident Women are Bitches

Lurking in every office, there’s at least one of these creatures. Her bright wardrobe taunts you, like a goddamn bird of paradise. You hear her heels clicking from a mile down the hallway. And even if she’s out of range, you can simply feel her presence, radiating energy somewhere in the distance.

She’s the bigwig, the hotshot, the crowd-pleaser, the bitch. She draws attention wherever she goes. She’s viewed as an equal to most of the men in the office. She always manages to look put together, even if she’s on the verge of a mental breakdown. She is always prepared, almost to the point of making everyone else look inefficient. She doesn’t accept mediocre performance from anyone, especially not herself.

She finds a way to succeed, even if it takes failing first.

So who are these bitches you ask?

Well, I was fortunate to grow up as a female Gen-Xer who saw firsthand the movement of women taking a larger role in the workplace, developing a career of their own, and, in turn, becoming more independent. With independence came confidence, and with confidence, we all became a bunch of bitches. Or so you would think, the way society treats these hard-working women trying to break the so-called glass ceilings by giving it their best.

Let me tell you, it takes guts to be confident and it doesn’t come overnight.

The most confident women I know didn’t get their self-assuredness as a birthright. Their upbringing included enough obstacles to be considered “character-building.” As adults, they have overcome the worst of situations and still manage to keep their shit together and their heads held high. They are generous and kind and giving to almost everyone they encounter. They volunteer on the boards of charitable organizations, the PTA; they coach your kids’ soccer teams, they are always there in a pinch. They say yes to everything, because they are supportive of everyone, even if it means giving up their own priorities to put others ahead.

And yet, these are the women you prey on, the daily topic of conversation around the water cooler. You take jabs at them for anything and everything that you feel is worth complaining about. You pollute the gossip chain with exaggerated stories about them. You accuse them of taking shortcuts to get where they are — God forbid they actually got to where they are based on hard work and performance.

The further I push upwards in my career, the more I am disheartened. I blame this bitch stereotype primarily on women, because, more often than not, it’s the women I hear tearing each other apart, whispering behind backs and still pulling mean girl routines well into their retirement.

I can hear you denying these claims. “We were just kidding around,” “She takes things too seriously,” “She thinks she’s too good to talk to us.” If these are the excuses running through your head, consider you may be the one that needs to change. Yes, we may be short with you sometimes (because we know you are talking about us), we may not sit and gossip (because we don’t want anyone else to be your victim), and we may eat by ourselves (because you never invite us to join you). But can you really blame us?

We know you talk about us, make comments about what we wear, spread rumors about how we got our jobs, and we simply don’t have time to dwell on it, even though it hurts us deeply.

We push through and don’t throw stones back, because we won’t stoop to your level. We’re simply better than that.

Being a confident woman is often a lonely role, but, hey, I guess us bitches are all taking one for the team. We’re putting ourselves out there, so you don’t have to. We’re battling men for positions we’re overqualified for, just to have a seat at the table. We’re juggling a career and kids as best we can, because who the hell else is going to do it?

We’re putting up with your nonsense every day, because we’re strong enough to come back from it.

So, the next time you encounter one of these confident bitches in your life, my best advice is to swallow your hate speech and instead thank her for her service to the world and raising the bar for women everywhere.

This piece was written by a ballerina among jocks, a woman who wears floral tights to the gym and always has designs on her nails and braids in her hair. This piece was written by a mom who sends handmade cards to school and steps in to help other moms whenever they call on her. This piece was written by a woman who has been the target of mean girl office antics and shunned by her own family from time to time for standing up for what’s right. This piece was written by a woman who is not afraid to share her thoughts, even when it’s opposite the popular opinion. This piece was written by a woman who takes pride in working in a male-dominated industry and serving as a leader for the women in that industry. This piece was written by a Confident Bitch.