{Barack Obama}: A Nationals Disappointment (no typo)

Rather than doling out the compliments like I’m at the Chipotle register begging the cashier to overlook the extra guac I ordered, I’m going to write in the true spirit of #ThanksObama. This is the time that POTUS 44 truly let me down the most.

It was Monday, April 5^th, 2010. The Washington Nationals were hosting the Philadelphia Phillies for opening day, and for those who don’t know, I am an avid supporter of the Washington Nationals Baseball Organization. I bleed red. Yes, technically everyone bleeds red, but I bleed even redder. I bleed Nats red, which is a slightly different shade than blood red.

Anyway, it was set to be a glorious day for baseball, and I was even more pumped when I heard that Barack Obama, the 44^th President of these United States, would be throwing out the first pitch. What an honor, right? He’s not throwing out the first pitch for any of the other sorry-ass baseball franchises.

President Obama graciously shook the hands of a few military veterans, the umpires, and Nationals owner Ted Lerner.

I bet Obama was so nervous to shake that ump’s hand. Also, why do umpires have numbers?

He walked out to the mound with the entire stadium full of hard-working, tax-paying, charity-donating, God-fearing, blood-giving, always-recycling, Nats fans at their feet.

Every single one of these fans is sponsoring a child in Africa.

The Moment of Un-Truth

But then, with the crowd still roaring with unprecedented support, slick Barry O pulls this cockamamie bullshit.

Frickin’ commie!

That’s right! He put on a White Sox hat! And not even a respectable, fitted, White Sox hat. No, he put on one of those flimsy little one-size-fits-all garbage hats they give out to toddlers playing tee-ball.

What is he throwing a shot put??? SHAME!

Needless to say, I damn near lost my temper. I’m sure every White Sox fan was ecstatic—all six of them.

The Nats ended up losing that game, and I’m putting 94% of the blame on POTUS 44.

Sure, President Obama has done a lot for this country. Sure, he served the United States during the eight most formidable years of my life. Sure, he was the leader of the free world when Ironman 1, 2, and 3 came out. Sure. But that doesn’t change the fact that if I ever get the chance to meet him, I will come prepared…

He’ll extend his hand and say something like, “Professor O’Shea, finally we get the chance to meet, I’ve heard such gnarly things about you,” and I’ll reach out to reciprocate the handshake, but at the last second I will pull away, and he’ll give me a look that says I’m confused, and I’ll reach into my gator-skin briefcase and pull out a crisp, form-fitting, Washington Nationals baseball cap, and place it atop my head, and then I will shake his hand and nod, and he’ll nod, and he’ll gulp, and he’ll know… he’ll know what he did.

Thanks Obama.