We pretend that baseball represents the moral center of America. But let’s embrace what it’s really best for: indulging in 7 deadly sins through 9 innings.

Recently, a group of college idiots chanted “Build that wall!” while on spring break in Cancún. Tone it down, America. Before you ruin it for everyone.

At 33 years old, lots of things make us feel like we’re getting up there. From body parts to pop culture, Dennis lists his curmudgeonly Top 5.