{Weird} Meet the {Parents} Guess Who?

Meeting future or potential in-laws is a scary thing. I mean my in-laws are great, and I love them—if you’re reading, HI! But if American sitcoms and Ben Stiller rom-coms have taught us anything, it’s that meeting a significant others’ parents is a high pressure situation where hilarity may ensue, but only after an awkward encounter because of a bathroom door lock malfunction.

I wish someone wise had told me the simple solution for the pre-meet jitters; a primer on how to get the prerequisite information you need about the parents, before the big day. Someone should have told me, “Josh, sit your significant other down at a table. Sit across from them, and take turns crafting Guess Who types of yes or no questions to ask about each others’ parents. If you ask the right ones, you will have a good idea what of bear’s den you will soon be walking into.”

“What are the right questions?” I’d ask you, over-analyzing this, just like everything else. And then you, a benevolent, charitable friend, would say nothing else, but smoothly slide me a sheet a paper with the following list of questions.

Weird Meeting the Parents Guess Who?

Does your dad have a mustache?

Is your mom’s hair blonde, and am I supposed to pretend that it’s natural?

Does your dad generally have resting bitch face?

Is your mom wearing a red MAGA hat?

Does your dad want me to mention his neck tattoo?

Does your mom have crooked morals?

Is your dad aware of his unibrow?

Does your mom really wear her sunglasses inside?

Is your dad always wearing his emotions on his sleeves?

Does your mom have a Napoleon complex?

Does your dad really expect me to call him “Coach”?

Is your mom a big time hugger?

Does your dad take out his phone and use it as a flashlight to read a menu at a restaurant?

Does your mom subscribe to any conspiracy theories I should be aware of?

Is your dad a Yankees fan?

Does your mom tell people that she’s the cool mom?

Does anyone else think your dad chews gum absurdly loudly?

Is your mom going to ask me for help with her computer?

Does your dad mind if I ignore the religious iconography in the house?

Does your mom have hearing issues or is she just messing with me?

Is your dad going to make sexual innuendo jokes and give the me the winky face, finger guns?

Does you mom have any trigger words?

Just remember, the key to any good relationship is communication and trust! With those questions, and maybe a few more personalized to your situation, you can turn this scary showdown into a successful introduction. And, again, if my in-laws are reading this, boy did we get lucky to find each other!