Prompt Images
Conspiracies theories are all around us in everyday life. OR ARE THEY? So we at The Prompt got together to share our favorite conspiracy theories with each other.
Josh Bard – A Second First Lady
My favorite conspiracy is of my own creation, and something that I am really trying to gain some steam with, so help me out. I think Coke and Pepsi are owned by the same company. Think about it… why wouldn’t this make sense?
But if pressed to pick a conspiracy that someone else has come up with, my favorite plot is that Melania Trump has a dopplegänger fill in for her sometimes. The internet is rife of pictures with discernible shadows and angles that maybe kinda sorta look different than the First Lady we know to BE BEST! Even though the internet is full of people always trying to bring down women and point out every single physical flaw, this one gives me the jollies because you just KNOW Donald Trump is googling it and is not 100 percent sure that his wife is definitely his wife. #darkesttimeline
Erin Vail – All Everything Kennedy
Unsurprisingly, I am extremely interested in anything Kennedy-related. The mob/Russians/Castro killed JFK? There was more than one shooter in Dallas that day? The Kennedys killed Marilyn Monroe? I don’t necessarily believe in any of them, but the persistence of these theories tells us a lot more about the American public than the families/victims of these horrible tragedies.
The fixation on the demise of the closest thing to American royalty and an unwillingness to believe the government is telling the whole truth makes for compelling reading/watching/podcast material. It’s all about the context. I worry that conspiracy theories have gotten too mainstream these days, but I’m a fan of reading about the classics from reputable sources (you know, like Wikipedia and numerous JFK biographies).
V. Buritsch-Tompkins – What’s the Frequency?
I always thought the lizard theory was interesting, the alien theory could have credence, but really the idea that people could be manipulated by radio waves has always had a special place in my heart. It’s that edge of paranoia, that scent of “perhaps it COULD be true” that gets people riled up, ya know?
Part of the reason why it’s so special to me is because I happened across some older letters from a family member. They were regarding a rather large airplane factory (being left nameless to protect the innocent), and the family member’s written request to ask said airport to TURN THE SOUNDS DOWN AND QUIT BROADCASTING TO HER. If that doesn’t stir a spot in your soul, I can’t help you. You’re on your own.
Anthony Rogers-Wright – Bambino’ed
I kind of wish my favorite conspiracy theory would come back—the Curse of the Bambino, because it was really awesome to see the Red Sox come oh-so-close and lose the World Series time and time again. I think that we can all admit that the only thing worse for baseball than the steroids era, which at least gave us tons of dingers and excitement, was when the Red Sox finally won the World Series. The game has suffered severely since then.
It occurs to me that Boston does not have a day celebrating the life and sacrifice of Crispus Attucks, an African American/Native American who is regarded as the first casualty of the U.S. Revolution. This blatant disrespect cannot be abided, I hear the ghost of Brother Crispus demanding retribution and the Sox will never win a title again until Columbus Day becomes Crispus Attucks Day in Boston. The curse is back.
Jillian Conochan – Chemtrails
Monsanto.
“The Man.”
The Reptilian Elite.
Pick a conspiracy theory, fork over 4 quarters, and my old roommate’d buy that for a dollar. More than anything, Walter’s just gullible. One late afternoon he pointed out a chemtrail, proclaiming that it was raining down poison from above. Eventual goal: mind control.
“Think about it… do you remember seeing those lines in the sky in the 80s? Back when we were kids, back when times were simpler?”
“Yes. Yes I do; I explicitly do.”
“Oh.” He paused. “Okay, well, if not a toxic cloud, what is it?”
“Water vapor.”
“Oh yeah? Well, if you know so much, why do they only occur sometimes and not others?”
“I think it has something to do with the air temperature and other conditions. I don’t exactly know, but I know they’re not chemtrails.”
“Oh. Okay. So, uh, you wanna go get cotton candy? I suddenly have an intense craving for it.”
Ryan Fay – Inside the Earth
I really hope the Hollow Earth theory is true. It goes back to the 17th century, and a lot of cultures have different takes on it as forms of purgatory, hell, or the premise of a good Ben Fraser movie. There is no core to the Earth and everything you thought was dead has actually been living just under the crust. Dinosaurs, demons, vikings, pirates, crab people, Sasquatches, Elvis… I really hope one of the Sasquatches is an Elvis impersonator. Essentially the Earth is a giant Wonderball or Kinder Egg. Wait… maybe the Earth is an egg and everything on the outside is a like bacteria. Earth Egg theory? Eggth?
Scott Snowman – Blinded by Science
My favorite conspiracy theory has to be the Flat Earth theory, for two reasons:
- As a science-minded person, the number of scientific contortions you need to believe to accept it as fact are truly mind-boggling, and
- People think that the reason why we’re all told the Earth is round (when it’s really flat) is that some global cabal of science wants to control how you think and understand the world around you.
News flash on #2: Scientists, by and large, don’t care what you think or how you think. Most scientists don’t care about much past their own noses (because the end of a nose is the end of a head—and scientists almost always live exclusively in their heads).
Also, we already have tools for controlling how you think and understand the world around you that work just fine: trickle-down economics, racism, and celebrity Instagram accounts. We don’t need another one that needlessly involves the neutral realm of geophysics.
Thomas Viehe – Imperson8r Boi
You’re all wrong. The best conspiracy theory is the one about how Avril Lavigne is dead and has been replaced by by a dopplegänger. And trust me: it’s true!
Just compare her freckles in old pictures to her freckles on new pictures. See!! Water-tight evidence! You might be thinking that the evidence seems slim. And you’d be right – the conspiracy was fabricated as a way to show how easy rumor and misinformation could travel. WHOOPS!
Anyway, conspiracy theories are funny; what’s not funny are conspiracies to steal the presidency. Like what Reagan did when he told the Iranians not to release the hostages until he beat Carter. That shit’s really real. Not a theory. If only we had had the internet back then. Or Robert Mueller…
Zach Straus – Bearying the Evidence
Just because something falls into the category of Conspiracy Theory doesn’t mean it can’t also be true.
Look no further than The Berenstein Bears, those lovable Ursine Jews who taught generations of kids important life lessons about things like Spooky Old Trees, Trouble With Friends, and (most importantly to an introvert like me) the concept of Too Much Birthday.
About 5 years ago, I went to buy the Too Much Birthday book for a friend who’s kid was 1) finally of able to read, and 2) needed to know that it’s perfectly fine to cry at your own party. THAT’S WHEN I SAW IT.
Take a look. Maybe you didn’t notice it at first. The name is wrong. BerenstAin. Weird. I rode my bike back to the store. Showed it to the cashier. She sighed a deep sigh. “Great. This again,” she said.
Fast forward through a furious and incredulous day of googling, and here’s what I learned: ALLEGEDLY, there was never an E. It was always an A. There is no functional record of the BerenstEin Bears ever existing. Which blows my fucking mind.
I wouldn’t give so much of a shit about one letter, except that my relationship with the E is not a causal recollection. I remember the way the Bears made me feel represented, a lonely Jewish kid living in Middle America, bragging to my friends about how they were Chosen Bears, having a conversation with my parents, age 7 or 8, about why they didn’t go to Bear Synagogue. I even had a longstanding joke where I claimed my favorite Bears book were The BerenstEin Bears and the Bat Mitzvah Blues and The BerenstEin Bears and the Late In Life Bris.
So, as a logical person, that means there are only two possible explanations. Either 1) I’m crazy, or 2) there is a conspiracy afoot.
Cue, the Internet. There are multiple theories, and I’ll let this Vice article do the heavy lifting, but suffice it to say I’m not the only person who believes some version of this Option 2. I originally thought the A-E dissonance was evidence of time travel. I’ve since shifted to a more space-time-bent-portal-universe viewpoint, but I won’t bore you with the details. For what it’s worth, I’ve done my own research–it’s not 100%, but nearly every person I’ve asked about the spelling remembers it the same way I do. It doesn’t feel like mass hysteria.
So there you have it. I beliEve. Maybe, by admitting this, I’ve ruined my credibility. I don’t care.
Fuck the Time Gestapo. They were Jewish Bears.
RELATED
