5 {Happier Hours} than Standing Around in a Bar with People You Half-Like

A congregation of disaffected half-friends leaning on barstools, drinking half-priced whatever, eating half-priced anything else, and complaining about their jobs while still wearing their work clothes.

Thanks for the happy hour invite, but I’ll pass.

Because, for real, is anyone even happy here? It’s a room full of people in an odd limbo between work and home, colleague and friend, snack and dinner. Everyone has a beer in one hand, a phone in the other, half-listening, half-texting someone else who said he was going to come until he bailed at the last minute. Typical.

No one’s actually fully there, are they? Everyone is just waiting for something better. Whatever comes next. Or, if that fails, they’re waiting for the right pause before making their exit from a conversation, the bar, or this weird obligatory yuppie cultural paradigm.

For a social construct called “happy hour,” this shit is awfully depressing.

So how do we make it better? I GOT YOU, AMERICA. You’ve got five days to get through the work week, so here are five happier hours than whatever the fuck THAT whole thing is.

5. GO DO SOME DOPE ARTS AND CRAFTS SHIT.

Remember when you were home for the entire summer and your mom had to pull out all the stops, so you and your older sister didn’t murder each other? Oh. Just our family? Fine.

The point is, we made our fair share of Shrinky Dinks, Perler Beads, and lanyard keychains. We made dioramas for no reason, using fishing line, Happy Meal toys, and paint markers. Why don’t we make stuff anymore? WE USED TO MAKE THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY.

So, sure, paint and sip is a good start. But why stop there? Cut up some old t-shirts and make them into new shirts. Spray paint some bookshelves. Paint a mural or some flower pots or just some watercolors. Who cares? You don’t need a reason. Just make whatever’s in your heart, you little champion.

4. READ A FUCKING BOOK.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t read. Straight up, you are not intelligent if you don’t read for leisure. And while The Prompt is v dot dope, and meandering through our site is a truly marvelous way to spend your time, I also think everybody needs a steady diet of books.

So instead of spending an hour wondering whether some dumb bar has anything Instagrammable that fits your personal brand, you could just go read a book that definitely does. Fiction, non-fiction, whatever.

3. SIT ON A PARK BENCH AND THINK, ALL BY YOURSELF.

You don’t need Candy Crush, podcasts, or to text someone where you are or what you’re doing. Frankly, you don’t need your phone. Because before humans invented infinite distractions as a means to generate revenue, people spent time just thinking.

Can you imagine? No, seriously. I’m asking. Are you capable of imagining?

Because thinking is kind of a lost art. And it’s such a beautiful thing. To just let thoughts happen. To sit with your life, staring at the grass in some park, and let your brain do the magic of synthesizing and processing all that’s going on around you.

“Give your brain as much attention as you do your hair, and you’ll be a thousand times better off.”—Malcolm X

It’s not lazy; it’s necessary. And if you’re so worried about that much-needed happy hour hydration, just bring a water bottle, a flask, or whatever. I ain’t mad at it.

2. DO THE THING YOU REALLY WANT TO DO BUT ALWAYS PUT OFF.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Everybody’s got a thing. Maybe it’s learning another language. Maybe it’s taking a cooking class. Maybe it’s writing for your favorite rogue creative writing magazine (oh, hello there 😉.)

Whatever the thing is, you need to go do it. And you don’t have a good excuse not to. Not today, while you’re pissing away your time and money at some stupid happy hour with people you don’t even like.

1. GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.

I’m serious. Don’t give me that look. When did you get so un-fun?

Just go outside and play. Run around a little bit. Hit things with sticks. Climb a fucking tree. Get grass stains. Play catch. Toss a football around. Learn to yo-yo or hula hoop or twirl a baton.

Play whatever sport you used to play growing up. Don’t worry about your joints or being sore tomorrow. And in the off-chance you had reconstructive surgery, isn’t that the whole point of reconstruction? Now get back out there!

Stop living in fear that you’re going to break or fall apart instantaneously. That’s how the terrorists win. Just go out there and dick around for an hour. Now that’s real joy.