A {Queen} Is Never Late and Neither Is {Princess} Diaries 3

For most girls between the ages of 9 and 14 in the early ‘00s, The Princess Diaries (both the book series and movies) are an integral part of their pop culture references. We learned important life lessons from the movies, such as a queen is never late, everyone is simply early, and if your foot doesn’t pop during a kiss, did it really happen?

But also, the plot was just really cool. As I largely identify with Mia Thermopolis in a few ways: in the past as an awkward socially-inept preteen, and now as an adult trying to navigate the territory of the real world. I’m also still hoping that one day Julie Andrews would show up and be my grandma. And also say that I was a princess. I mean, I’m not sure if I could have dealt with all the politics and such, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t want the kick-ass wardrobe that comes with being a royal.

Thanks to the internet, there have been speculations about a Princess Diaries 3. Now, I have conflicted feelings about this, because I don’t think that another movie could top the second one. I mean, it had mattress surfing, Captain Kirk, Gimli, and Stan Lee.

But, if they absolutely have to make another installment, here’s what I’d like to see:

• Former Queen Clarisse and Joe living their best life on the Amalfi Coast, with lots of tango dancing, driving around in vintage cars, and fashionable head scarves. Joe also lets Clarisse call him “Joey.”
• Occasional shots of Fat Louie just being an adorable cat in the sun on a giant, fluffy pillow.
• An implied summer romance between Lilly and the leader of the royal guard. Still, it doesn’t work out for a mysterious reason, and she moves back to the states and starts an art commune in Portland.
• Mia has a younger brother who visits her in Genovia and tries to learn how to be a prince from his big sister, copying almost everything she does.
• Another makeover scene with Paolo, complete with ridiculous hairstyles and references to mooses.
• Even though Mia and Michael didn’t end up together, he still sends her a pizza with M&Ms on it for her birthday.
• Mia calling her mom on a weekly basis to catch up on the latest gossip and also ask for advice on matters large and small in the Genovian court.
• Another wardrobe tour of Mia’s gorgeous walk-in closet, from shoes to jewelry and dresses.
• Mia and Nicholas go on a visit to San Francisco, where he awkwardly re-meets the parents, sees where she grew up, and experiences the horror of driving an old mustang up Lombard Street.
• A beautiful salt-and-pepper haired Chris Pine-too-Fine, without the ridiculous ‘00s parted hairstyle.
• Mia fending off questions of when she’ll have children, because she is a forward-thinking ruler in Genovia and has to bring the country up to speed when it comes to gender equality — the second movie was just step number one. She also has an orphanage (or several) to help run.

Now, the exact logistics of how all of these plots would work together, I’m not entirely sure. I am not a screenwriter. Still, the most important thing that I would want to keep is the overall message that has been present in all of the Princess Diaries universe: Yes, life is awkward and finding out who you are takes time. But in the end, when you find and embrace who you are, and know how to stand up for what you believe in, it makes life so much more rewarding.