Finally! A {College Admissions} {Essay} That Speaks the Truth

Dear Admissions Counselors,

To be honest, this is my safety school. By all measures, I have the grades, scores, and extracurriculars to skip to the top of the heap here. But if I’m going to keep it 💯, I guess I don’t have a good enough story to get into your esteemed university.

My greatest accomplishments are pretty commonplace.

I’ve got a bunch of rec league trophies, had perfect attendance throughout high school, and choreographed a dance to “Ice Ice Baby” in my basement. Is that what you’re looking for?

Because if not, then no, I have not done some extraordinary thing for charity or my community or a stranger who fell into a frozen river. Until now, I didn’t think that made me un-collegiate or unworthy. As far as I can tell, no one else in my senior class did those things either. I guess I’ve been playing it pretty low key, just trying to eat dinner, take a shower, and finish my homework after track practice. I’ll be honest, that usually feels like a full day.

I didn’t overcome some extraordinary adversity.

I was born into a middle class family with two great parents. I’m confident, well-adjusted, and haven’t been sick since I had my tonsils out in 8^th grade. I try not to take any of that for granted.

My family taught me to be earnest, humble, and self-aware. So, I really don’t want to insult anyone who did overcome adversity by trying to craft some false narrative about myself in hopes that you’ll like me. And, not to sound like another millennial twit, but you can blame my parents because I don’t know how to “spin” my very normal upbringing for the sake of getting into your school. They taught me not to lie and to be comfortable with who I am. I’ll be honest, I thought self-acceptance was more important than who accepted me.

But I’ve got a pretty solid list of reasons I want to go to college.

Some of them are appropriately scholarly, but others are superficial. I imagine that mix is consistent with every single student who enrolls here. I’ll just give you a sampling, starting with what you want to hear and moving to some of the frivolous things 17 year-olds care about:

• I actually really enjoy school, learning, reading, and writing papers;
• I don’t even know yet that I’m good at math and science;
• I’m not yet mature enough to enter the workforce, but when I get there, I want people to think I’m worldly, competent, and not just some friggin idiot;
• I want to live away from home with training wheels;
• I once yelled “I love the Revolutionary War!” while reading at the kitchen table, and I meant it;
• I’ve never pulled an all-nighter but think I’ll be good at it;
• I’m sick of looking at the same faces in every class;
• I want to decorate my dorm room; and
• I really, really want to be in the rowdy section at the basketball games.

You don’t want to read a fake story. I don’t want to write a fake story. So why are we all pretending? This is all so contrived. Why? Why even bother?

Why can’t I just write you something honest? You want to see what kind of student I am, why can’t I send you something I think is good?

These college admission essays make me feel like I don’t have a good enough story. And the implication is that I therefore have no direction. But I very much do. My direction is forward.

Your admissions essay questions are stupid and make us doubt ourselves. The truth is, we’re not special. We’re just kids who want to give you tens of thousands of dollars to sit in hard chairs, face forward, and listen to people with ugly hair. Isn’t that enough?