Can I Speak to Your Manager? {Me Against} {the Cosmic Forces} of the Universe

So you’re the manager? Good, because I want to tell you something.

Sometimes it really feels like every cosmic force is stacked against me.

You realize that this planet, that you and I live on exists because of such a specific and particular set of circumstances. Its proximity to the sun—not too close as to burn us alive, and not too far as to let us freeze to death—is paramount to our existence. We are on this perfectly balanced, beautiful blue marble! It’s miraculous, right?

I don’t want to take up too much of your time, but let’s go deeper. The odds of us being alive, based on that alone, are infinitesimally small. And then think about, of the 7.5 billion people currently on Earth, you and I are here together, right now. Of all the gin joints, right?

As a species, we have never found other forms of intelligent life, in the galaxy, or even found any signs of intelligent life in the history of humankind. Maybe one day we will be able to find others out there, but in the meantime, we must assume that we are the only ones able to set up a society, make reasonable decisions, and can explain why we are making them. That makes us unique and very special.

Try to comprehend how additionally magnificent it is that we can understand each other and communicate our thoughts and wishes and feelings in language and mannerisms, that we both understand. Our brains, made up of 100 billion cells each, have absorbed enough similar experiences that allow us to have this give-and-take. If a single brain cell were corrupted, it could throw the entire balance off.

Can you even begin to conceptualize how colossal it is that we’ve been granted this moment?

Now put all of those thoughts on hold for just one second. If Homo sapiens first walked the Earth 200,000 years ago, that means there have been over 105 BILLION minutes where we could have been at this place and not had our paths cross. But all those minutes shaped everything around us and led us to now! Pretty wild, right?

Think about it! Our lives are not only built from the choices that we made, but also the choices of those who interact with us, and those who came before us. You know the whole “butterfly effect” thing… Well, not to stir up disturbing imagery or a latent Oedipal complex, but if our parents had chosen to have sexual intercourse on a different day, or if a different little swimmer won the race, we may not be here. Goes without saying, although I will, that the same goes for our grandparents, their parents, and our entire lineage.

Yet, here we are. ALIVE! Living our best lives!

Now humor me, good sir. What if I had stayed home today, or if you had? What if we spent a day in solitude, treating ourselves to some extra personal time? What if one of us had jury duty? What if we had packed up and moved away the last time something went terribly bad for one of us? Perhaps a car could have hit us this morning. Or a car could have hit another car and diverted us from here. Or a car could have hit this building, closing this diner for weeks! Truly the possibilities are endless. Still with me, right?

I couldn’t possibly begin to figure out the chances of all of these things coming together to create this distinct and singular occasion, but they did!

Now that we agree about all of those extraordinary measures that have brought us together today, right here, in this moment in time… Are you really, honestly, telling me that you cannot add some fucking grilled onions to my burger?