Prompt Images
“Bro, just go up there and fuck her.”
“I don’t want to fuck her. Don’t I have any say in the matter?”
“Everyone fucks her, eventually. What is holding you back?”
“Seriously, Kyle? … Just like everything, honestly. I don’t really know her at all. I haven’t spent any time with her. I don’t have feelings for her. … I … I feel like there’s a lot of pressure from society. I have a lot I want to do with my life, and pardon me if I don’t value getting laid the same way everyone else does.”
“This is classic Jimmy. Always thinking he’s better than the rest of us. Always coming up with big plans like he is the only one without the beehive mentality. Newsflash! She’s out of your league. She is a fucking queen, bro. This is a win!”
“Kyle, I’m sorry you feel that way but it’s not pretentious for me to believe in myself and want to stray from some predetermined life path. I just want to make my own decisions. And isn’t it more pretentious for you to tell me how to live my life?”
“Don’t do that. … How ‘bout you tell me—what are you planning to do in your life that’s SO GREAT that it would be compromised by one great lay?”
“Well I’m already in over my head at work. Spring is our busy season. They’re letting me do some extra traveling and I gotta say, I love all the flying and seeing new places. I don’t want to blow this opportunity, man. I am learning so much. That’s gotta count for something. There’s this place, outside of Boston, where I found an incredible flower shop where I’ve been spending a lot of time.”
“Jimmy, I’m only asking this because I am your friend. And I would be TOOOTTALLLLY OK with it… Are you gay?”
“What? What are you talking about? Because I go to a flower shop? Don’t be ignorant, Kyle.”
“No, because you don’t want to fuck Jennie when she is so far out of your league, and MAN, you have so many excuses. Why are you so overly defensive?”
“I think you’re being pretty cavalier about the word ‘excuse.’ I feel like I’ve given you a lot of solid reasons and you just aren’t accepting any of them. I’m trying to keep my cool here Kyle, but you are making it very difficult.”
(Cough) “Pussy” (Cough)
“OK, Kyle, I’m done here.”
“Come on, man. I was just kidding. How ‘bout this? If you don’t want to burden yourself with fucking Jennie, then I’m gonna go give it to that Queen. But I don’t want to hear later about how I betrayed you. Cool?”
“Dude! It’s ONE THOUSAND PERCENT fine by me. But you do know you won’t get the chance to hear from me after, right?”
“… what?”
“Someone gave you the bees and the bees talk, right?”
“… Huh?”
“Like you know what happens after you finish with Queen Jennie, right? Or more specifically when she is done with you…”
“… Yeah, I’ll tell all my friends how I’m the man and I fucked the Queen.”
“No, you won’t. You will be dead. After drones like us mate with the Queen, our penises rupture and are ripped off our bodies. RIGHT OFF THE THORAX, BRO. I can’t believe you didn’t learn this in sex ed. It’s pretty standard stuff. Anyways, yeah, then you die.”
“…wha?”
“I guess that’s another reason why I wasn’t, and am still not, really feeling Jennie. Along with all the other stuff.”
“Are you messing with me because I was messing with you before? I said I was sorry.”
“I am not messing with you Kyle. This is life. Think about it: have you ever heard anyone tell you that they made love with the Queen? Not a friend of a friend, but a guy who actually has done it?”
“Yeah, Donny banged her and he said his cousin Brent did too.”
“Donny is the biggest liar I have ever met. That guy told me his dad was the hornet they named the NBA team after.”
“Shit, you’re right. Donny is pretty unreliable. I can’t believe I didn’t know this. Is this why there’s always so much changeover in the colony?”
“Probably. Plus our life expectancy is barely over a hundred days.”
“This really complicates things, Jimmy. On one hand, what a way to go out, right? Post-coital ecstasy! Talk about bucket list! On the other hand, I’m only 40 days old. I’ve got a lot of living to do.”
“Yeah, tough call.”
“On the third hand, Jennie is as good as it gets, isn’t that worth dying for? I mean, my kids would be ROYALTY. That’s a helluva legacy. But on another hand, I wonder how many dudes she’s been with.”
“Like I said, a lot to consider…”
“And on the fifth hand, this would be smashing the matriarchy. But on my last hand, I wonder if I can just pull out before it ends.”
“Seems like you have some real tough choices ahead of you… I’m gonna buzz off. Good luck with your decision, buddy.”
“To bee or not to bee—that is the question
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to stuff her
The stings and arrows of outrageous boning
Or to take arms against a queen of cuddles
And by opposing end them. To die, to smash—
No more.”
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