I’m Sorry for What I Said About the {Pride} Parade

Look, I love gay people. Platonically. But I still love them. They are phenomenal! Truly!! I wish them all the best!!! Some of my best friends are gay!!!! Brunch is my favorite meal!!!!! So if you happened to be near me at the 2018 New York Pride Parade, and heard me call it “an annoying nuisance,” and “a damned calamity,” and “a weekend ruiner,” I swear, that got taken out of context.

I was talking about how the parade was making me miss my 2:05 P.M. Amtrak back to D.C. and not because of my feelings toward the festive and important parade.

I know it wasn’t a good look, but I was sweaty, disheveled, and hungover, with my weekend bag bouncing on my back as I ran city blocks looking for any way to get through the crowds. So, to be fair, nothing was ever going to be a good look that day.

I should get to the apology. I am sorry.

Amtrak will make a person do some ugly things they normally would not. For some, that is buying a hot dog, microwaved, from the dining cart. For others, it means getting smashed on nips of Jack and dropping your cell phone on the bathroom floor. For me it was complaining about an inconvenience. A personal inconvenience that doubles as a celebration of equality and love for many MANY others, who have long been denied the freedoms, respect, and safety that I, as a white, cisgender straight man, enjoy. It was selfish and lacked perspective.

I apologize to LGBTQ+ people everywhere and anywhere, as well as T-Mobile and Walmart and Facebook and Pepperidge Farms who didn’t spend all that money and print all of that rainbow merch, to be besmirched by me in a time of personal crisis.

Hey, look. I wish there was a Pride Parade every single day that I don’t have to catch a train. That would be something like 355 Pride Parades a year. Because Pride Parades are awesome.

I don’t want to start reciting my Gay Culture C.V., but I’ve been to a gay wedding. And honestly, I cannot wait until we don’t have to specify that, when I can just say I’ve been to a wedding. My birthday always falls on the weekend of D.C. Pride, and I am happy to share the festivities. And once, I almost got into a fistfight with an Orioles fan for heckling a gay couple.

But maybe, just maybe, if I’m being solutions-oriented, we keep them away from train stations. Airports too, but I bet that is much less of a problem.