Sex & Dating: Is There Something Else We Could Do? {Maybe?}

Maybe we could hang out sometime?

Please consider me for sex soon. Okay, maybe it doesn’t have to be sex right out of gate, but whatever we choose to do, down the road, eventually, there will be sex.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be sex right out of the gate:

Yeah. Of course.

Get to know each other.

I’m sorry.

Need to give you a chance to respond first!

Sorry, I just really like you.

I have this thing where I instantly fall in love with a woman that—well, when I was younger, it was if she reminded me of Jennifer Love Hewitt or Channel 4’s Doreen Gensler, but as I’ve gotten older, I think I’ve become wiser and less likely to hold a woman to some unrealistic ideal.

Though, if you could turn yourself into Wendy Williams I would commit murder for you.

Anyway, people do lots of things besides jumping right into bed. They go for coffee, or to a restaurant, or to an event of some kind, maybe there’s a weekend guide here or online…

Maybe there’s a weekend guide here or online:

Fuck, come on! Throw me a line here!

I don’t know what to do. What do people do!?

Where would we even go?! I’m not really into “new” things.

I like routine. Watching old TV on Netflix, getting my dinner at gas stations.

Seriously, you know what—this wasn’t a good idea.

We are just too different.

Just go do that interesting thing or pursue that wonderful dream you never told me about.

Whatever it is, it’s more fulfilling than spending your time with me. Maybe you’re just better off doing that, ya know?

Maybe you’re just better off doing that, ya know?

Hello! Your turn! Say something.

How ’bout you say, “No, I like you. Let’s do something.”

And then I’ll say, “Okay, maybe.”

Okay, maybe:

No. It’s too late. I’m sorry.

Look, I want to—wanted to, I really did. I like you. I love you.

But the thought of ending this before you’ve even had the chance to respond to my initial hang out request, is giving me the warmest feeling.

It’s warmer than any love I’ve ever received from anyone.

I feel connected again to who I really am—and to this world, to the Universe, our Creator. Maybe I’m dying.

Maybe I’m dying:

Nope.

You just walked away.

I don’t even know what you said.

Did you say anything?

If you did, I wasn’t paying attention.

Sorry.

You see, I live in an alternate reality inside my own head.

It’s not as productive as say, “the outside world,” but I reign supremely and undefeated in this one.