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We millennials are so non-committal. What, with the regularly scheduled economic depressions, the Matterhornesque cost of college (which our counselors, teachers, and parents duped us into believing was the only path to a fulfilling career), and multiple existential crises threatening the existence of multiple species, including our own, it’s hard to get us to give a firm “yes” on anything.
Are we gonna have kids? Maybe.
Don’t we want to buy instead of rent? Maybe.
Are we sure we can afford that 1998 Corolla? Maybe.
But not all “maybes” are created equal.
Some of them are confusing in their own special way.
That’s why I, Dennis William, an elder Millennial, am here to break down what your personal “maybe” may mean. Let’s start with the most difficult version first.
Scenario 1: You have invited a friend to an event or outing.
Let’s say Top Golf on Thursday with your other friend, who the invitee kind of knows.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: The answer will be “no,” but my feelings of friendship and affection towards you coupled with American culture have conditioned me to believe that an immediate “no” is somehow mean or rude. The day prior to the event, I will say “no.”
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I don’t want to do this, but I want you to continue to invite me to similar outings.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I’m keeping my options open for that day. The answer is yes, if nothing better comes up.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I want to be the kind of person who does things like go to Top Golf and becomes friends with my friends’ other friends, but I am not currently that person.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I do want to hang out, but I will try to convince you to do something other than what you have suggested.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: That sounds like a good idea, but I currently have no desire or energy to do it, which makes me doubt that I will have said desire or energy on the proposed date.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: What the hell is Top Golf?
Scenario 2: You are in a situation that is murky and someone else asks you to clarify.
Perhaps it pertains to a romantic relationship, a work meeting, or whether you are going to write up an idea that came from a team brainstorming session and publish it for a demented version of Ploughshares.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I was also confused. Thank you for admitting your confusion and saving me from my island of despair.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I don’t know, and I was not brave enough to ask clarifying questions.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I don’t know, and I don’t give enough of a rat’s ass to ask clarifying questions.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: Why are we even doing this?
Response: Maybe.
Translation: You have given voice to a hope, which I dared not acknowledge.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: Holy shit. I hadn’t considered that possibility. We are fucked.
Response: Maybe.
Translation: I am hoping that you will forget that you even asked this question of me.
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