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Excerpts from Brian’s daily diary…
July 3, 1984
Dear Diary,
I think I fell in love today. I just got home from the movies with some friends. We saw The Karate Kid and I made everyone stay for the credits to find out who Ali was even though my buddies gave me a bunch of crap for it. Her name is Elisabeth Shue and I have never seen someone more beautiful. The girls in middle school look nothing like her. I am going to have to learn more about her. I can’t stop thinking about her.
-Brian
August 7, 1988
Dear Diary,
Elisabeth Shue is back in my life! I saw Cocktail after school today, even though the commercials made it look stupid. Turns out the only stupid thing is Tom Cruise cheating on Elisabeth Shue with some weird old lady who wasn’t even close to as hot. She has matured a lot since Adventures in Babysitting last year, and you could even see the side of her boob in one scene! It was weird but also awesome!
I think I must be her number one fan. Next year in college, I hope there are some girls like her.
-Brian
December 12, 1999
Dear Diary,
The guys were all out of town this weekend so I went to Blockbuster and rented Palmetto, Elisabeth Shue’s newest movie. The guy at the store gave me a condescending smile, but he doesn’t know the history we have.
The movie was pretty bad; one of those whodunnits where they change everything three or four times during the movie. However, the important part is that Elisabeth Shue is smoking hot and crazy sexy. That’s basically the movie, and basically, its awesome. I know she’s married, but I just dont think I will ever find anyone who makes me as happy as Elisabeth Shue makes me.
-Brian
November 8, 2009
Dear Diary,
A weird thing happened tonight, though maybe not weirder than an almost 40 year old man still writing in the same exact diary. Anyways, the wife and I were watching Curb Your Enthusiasm tonight and there she was, walking right back into my life, Elisabeth Shue. I think I made an audible gasp, because my wife asked me what was wrong. I think I played it off pretty cool, though.
I checked on IMDB and Elisabeth Shue is 46 and still looking like a goddess.
My wife’s cool and all (she likes Cocktail) but I’ll always love Elisabeth Shue first and forever.
-Brian
September 20, 2019
Dear Diary,
She’s back! Elisabeth Shue, not my wife. Was binge-watching The Boys on Amazon Prime Video and wouldn’t you know who’s here to make everything alright? My buddy suggested I check out The Boys, but I had no idea I’d be running into a past and current, and I guess future, love. Nowadays Elisabeth Shue is a gorgeous cougar in charge of superheroes or something. Of all the iterations, this Elisabeth Shue might be favorite one.
It’s been rough moving back into an apartment, but maybe Elisabeth Shue is here to remind me to embrace my freedom. I wonder if I can find my old Leaving Las Vegas poster from the storage locker…
-Brian
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