An Incomplete and Growing List of Reasons I Have Cried About Food

the restaurant was closed for the day

the restaurant was closed for the night

the restaurant was closed for construction

the restaurant was closed for good

it was taken off the menu

it was sold out for the day

it was only available on Sundays

it was too expensive for my budget

it was too expensive to justify at the time

it was too expensive to purchase without making me look like a privileged shitbag

it was good

it was so good

it was the best thing I have ever eaten

it was okay but reminded me of something or someone

it was not as good as i remembered

it was exactly like I remembered

it was exactly what I wanted

it was dropped

it was thrown out

it was spoiled

it belonged to someone else

I made it and it was bad and I was by myself

I made it and it was bad and I was supposed to serve it to someone else but couldn’t

I made it and it was okay but only okay and therefore an embarrassment

I made it and it was good but no one cared

I made it and it was good but someone said it was bad

I made it and it was good but no one told me it was in a way that provided validation to the level I desired

I ate too much and felt fat

I ate less than I wanted and still felt fat

I ate the right amount consistently for months and still didn’t lose weight

It was probably very good but I needed to lose weight so I couldn’t eat it or as much as I wanted

I felt like it controlled me

I loved it

I genuinely loved it

It filled me, physically and emotionally, in a way I don’t know how to get from people, and in that perfect moment, when eating something, of a portion or a quality you know you don’t deserve, you realize that it is giving itself to you, in its totality, and that it asks you nothing in return, which is perhaps the closest you will ever get to feeling loved unconditionally

It was gone