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Republished fromTeaPartyTechnophile.blogspot.com
We all know that the news media have a liberal bias. This is no less true for the subset of the media charged with reporting on the technology industry. Despite what our colleagues at TechCrunch and Venturebeat would have you believe, not everyone in Silicon Valley is a Birkenstock-wearing corporate apologist who thinks his company needs to improve the whole world.
There are some folks out here who understand that the greatest startup in history was The United States of America, INC. These folks dare to dream up companies whose entire purpose (aside from the bottom line, of course) is to Make America Great Again. Here are six such companies we here at TPT think our readers would love to know about, even though the Marxists at Business Insider would prefer that we kept our mouths shut.
1. FLAG-ly
FLAG-ly is like Uber for flags. You want to impress everyone with an insane number of American flags at your next BBQ while also reminding those Filipino neighbors of yours who still haven’t learned English where the fuck they live? Just open up the FLAG-ly app and you’ll instantly see the locations of other nearby FLAG-ly users whose flags are available to share.
Overall, feedback from the beta users has been very positive, though the company did receive a bit of backlash from users who experienced a surge in flag sharing prices over the Fourth of July. Our only gripe with FLAG-ly is that currently only the modern American Flag is supported. But FLAG-ly has hinted that future releases may include options for sharing Don’t Tread On Me flags, as well as Confederate flags.
2. Virtual Wall
We all know Donald Trump, as amazing as he is, is going to have a tough time getting Mexico to pay for a physical wall along the border. That’s where Virtual Wall comes in. In this day and age, it’s hard for people to do much of anything without using the internet: Get a job, get welfare, pay rent, you name it. So rather than trying to keep the immigrants from coming into the U.S., why not let them in our country, but keep them off our internet?
With Virtual Wall installed on your servers, only people providing proof of citizenship can get access to your church, business, and/or local government websites and services. Our favorite thing about Virtual Wall? It uses good old fashioned .php server side instead of some sissy-ass framework like Rails or Django.
3. The Best Words
Trump is one in a billion. That guy has all the best words. And now, thanks to the creative folks at The Best Words, you can too! The Best Words app generates all kinds of words, on the fly, that you can insert into just about any conversation with friends, colleagues and fellow Klan members. The company boasts a Natural Language Processing (NLP) Engine to rival the system powering Amazon’s Alexa.
This technology allows users to ask for words using spoken queries like “What are some really great words I can say?” The Best Words is currently only taking pre-orders and has been, understandably, coy in responding to questions about the particular kinds of words provided by their app. An official press release from the company explained that “Look, these are going to be really, really great words. Words like you’ve never heard. Great big words and even great little words. We have an invite only set of beta users right now and what we are hearing from them is that the app is just giving them the best words. Phenomenal words.” No more words necessary — we’re sold.
4. Drone Rush
This one is so simple we’re surprised no one thought of it before. Think Kingdom Rush for iOS meets military grade drones that are actually flying over ISIS controlled territories as we speak. Drone Rush was founded by Jerry Melton, a former engineer at Dropbox who realized that the same technology powering virtual folders could be used to convert a few thumb swipes on a user’s iPhone into coordinated drone attacks on high level CIA targets in Afghanistan, Syria, and Pakistan.
“And I was totally addicted to Kingdom Rush at the time I came up with the idea – so using a classic tower defense game as an interface for controlling drones already deployed in theater just seemed like a natural fit, you know?” Melton told us in an interview. Yeah, we do know, Jerry. Of course, we were sold the moment we read the company’s trademarked tagline: Level up while leveling actual cities. Note: the app uses a freemium pricing model, and the out-of-the-box features are rather limited. But with in-app purchases the sky’s the limit.
5. Fuck Hillary
Like the recently popular “Yo”, this paired down app has an extremely simple interface. Launch the app, select one of your contacts from the drop-down list, hit the “Send” button and within moments your recipient will receive a nice big FUCK HILLARY bit-emoji. “We realized that like the word ‘Yo’, there were a lot of different situations where FUCK HILLARY would be a fitting message to send,” Adam Schwartz, one of the company’s founders, told us.
The initial conversion rates were phenomenal, but have apparently slowed lately. The company is looking to make inroads soon with disillusioned millennials on the far left. The Fuck Hillary app has an API that hooks up with IFTTT (If This Then That), so you can create some interesting custom actions between Fuck Hillary and other apps. We played around with this feature a bit and came up with a rather cool recipe that sends a Fuck Hillary message to a random contact anytime we upload a photo to Instagram.
6. GO-GO Watch List
This company is betting big that Trump will not only win, but that as President he will work to greatly expand the Terror Watch List. But of course, lists don’t just build themselves. That’s where GO-GO Watch List comes in.
GO-GO Watch List is an app that helps regular Joes collect the information required to add suspicious looking people to the Terror Watch List. The app features a state of the art Accent Recognition System and a database of millions of people identified by the NSA’s PRISM program as “known associate of known associate of known associate of known associate of a guy in Fallujah.”
GO-GO Watch List won’t launch until after Trump has been sworn in, but they are already looking at ways of expanding their product offerings down the road, including a partnership with former CIA employees to build GO-GO Rendition. The idea is to allow users to flag their suspected terrorist as seeming kind of terrorist-y or very terrorist-y. For users in the latter category the CIA would be notified and within hours they could grab the suspect and have them on a plane to god knows where.” Wow. Now that is technological progress.
As usual, we’d love to hear from our readers about any new America-First tech companies they are seeing.
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