2018’s Hottest Recipe: Dumpster Flambé

The Dumpster Flambé is a journalistic tradition. Whether hosting a political party or simply looking to argue with friends online, this tasty little morsel, otherwise known as nouvelle a la Breitbart, is sure to leave your readers wanting more.

Ingredients:

• 1 bottle of Bacardi Oakheart Rum
• 1 tub of Tin Roof Sundae ice cream
• 1 mentally unstable puppet
• 5 quotes from self-serving high-level politicians
• 1 divisive issue that should be common sense
• 2 Tbsp of foreign oil
• 1 clickbait headline
• 1 bottle of Russian dressing

Directions:

1. Heat political tensions over an open flame to 450 degrees.
2. Put mentally unstable puppet in most powerful government office. Optionally, you can give the puppet a Twitter account to more easily fan flames.
3. Baste puppet with Russian dressing.
4. Bake quotes from politicians until they are thoroughly misinterpreted (about 15 minutes).
5. Top with clickbait headline to your distaste.
6. Heat oil in sauté pan and post kneejerk reactions.
7. Stir every 2 minues until the comments section is simmering.
8. If needed, add racial tension for flavor.
9. Realize we’re all screwed with no way out.
10. Mix rum with A&W Root Beer and add a scoop of ice cream. Add children’s tears for flavor.
11. Enjoy!