Words I Didn’t Understand Before the {World Cup}

This week’s prompt is #collaboration, which pairs up multiple writers for one piece. This 3-way piece features writers Jonathan Newby, Thomas Viehe, and Gavin Lippman.

Civility – adj. – cleaning up the stadium and the locker room after your heartbreaking defeat in the final seconds at the hands of the future third-place team. See Japan.

Franch – v. – to devour your opponent ceaselessly until there is nothing left. See England vs. Panama or France vs. Croatia. Example: “The French Franched!”

Cavil – v. – to wildly complain about the unfair actions of a team trying to waste time in order to make it into the Final at the World Cup. Seriously, you’d do the same. See Belgium after losing to France.

Yerk – v. – to tie (not draw) with a fierceness that makes some people think that you won. See Iceland’s yerking of Argentina.

Crurophilous – adj. – being so envious of another player’s ability to kick the ball that you can’t help but slide into them.

Interrobang – n. – the moment when you think for sure the game is over, and you are definitely out of the World Cup, but somehow the player that has messed everything up all game comes through with a beautiful ball delaying the inevitable for one more game. See the final seconds of Germany vs. Sweden. Then watch it again. And again. Until the pain of Germany being knocked out starts to mellow out a bit.

Hircine – n. – smelling like the best player ever, growing a goatee to prove it, and having Fox Sports panelists deliberate and swoon over your greatness long after you’ve gone home. See Ronaldo.

Pogontrophy – v. – grooming a “beard” to look more like a GOAT. See Ronaldo.

Garrulous – adj. – the inability of people on TV to get to the FUCKING POINT. See Fox Sports coverage of the World Cup. Then watch ESPN, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC… why did I only wake up when it was soccer?

Natiform – adj. – the shape that the U.S. Men’s National Team looks after Panama was able to qualify over it and get franched by England 5-1.

Darkle – v. – to become so depressed after your team loses to South Korea that you start thinking your mood is as bad as English weather. See Germany.

Entitled – adj. – believing your country is the home of a trophy you have won once, and not the first time. Claiming you invented a sport despite evidence to the contrary. Thinking you deserve victory due to your previous two foundational beliefs. Being wealthy and untalented and still thinking you are owed something. See England.

Wallydrag – n. – a soccer federation that holds their team back from winning. See Spain’s decision to fire their national team manager before the tournament. Or the 45th President of the United States…

Want to check out Jonathan or Gavin’s take? Read on here and here, you extraordinarily beautiful, highly literate creature.