The {Pussy Network} {of America} Puts Trump on Notice

MEMORANDUM

To: Donald J. Trump
From: The Pussy Network of America (PNOA)
Subject: Surrender.

We can tell by the way you carry yourself: You think you know a lot about pussy. You’re the kind of guy who counts the number of people you’ve slept with like some kind of conquistador mapping out his territory. You see sex as some kind of trophy, a way to display your dominance and power, like it makes you important. You brag about it, and not just to your friends. To cheesedick fuckstick prettyboy reporters like Billy Bush.

Well, his name is my name too.

We are the Pussy Network of America

The PNOA is a powerful underground alliance that includes men and women of this great nation who know and respect the pussy. Though we move under deep cover, some of your friends, neighbors, and business associates have been longstanding members of the PNOA. We are working together to reach depths that a fat little dick-knob like you, with such teeny tiny hands, can never hope to reach.

The PNOA has worked tirelessly to sync women’s periods, creating a communication network that enables us to do some amazing things: box out unwanted creepy dudes while in a dance circle, decipher multi-emoji texts, and know when Beyoncé is in danger/drops a secret album.

But your video, Donald? We heard what you said, and this is even colder and more sour than Lemonade 🍋🐝.

I did try and fuck her.
I moved on her very heavily.
I moved on her like a bitch.
I just start kissing them.
And when you’re a star, they let you do it.
You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

We watched your disingenuous, poorly rehearsed apology too. What happened to using the best words? And, just like your changing stances on immigration, banning Muslims, ISIS, the Iraq war, and abortion, (among countless others), we know we can’t trust a word you say when you know cameras are rolling.

Despite the PNOA’s best efforts, we recognize that every woman has been groped and harassed — go ahead, ask any woman you know — by some disgusting, entitled, poor-postured monster like you, who thought having a dick was all the consent he ever needed. So when we watched that video, we knew it wasn’t just “locker room talk.” Donald, you’re 70 years old and weigh 236 pounds. When was the last time you even went to a gym?

This is who you are. This is who you always have been. You don’t respect the pussy. Which means, of course, that you don’t know the pussy.

But you better start learning, Donald, because for centuries, the PNOA has been quietly laying the groundwork for dismantling garbage fuckbois like you. And in recent years, things are starting to look pretty fucking good for the Pussy Network.

Let’s go to the numbers, shall we:

• 51 percent of the U.S. population have pussies. A simple, but meaningful, majority.
• Pussies now outnumber dicks in college enrollment, accounting for 57 percent of all college attendee genitalia.
• Persons with pussies also graduate at higher rates than their be-dicked counterparts (62 percent compared to just 57 percent).
• According to the latest U.S. Census data, pussies outlive dicks by 4.8 years on average (81.2 compared to 76.4). So, while your ignorant dinosaur jock straps die off, the pussies still have another presidential election ahead of them. Vote or die, indeed!
• The longer life expectancy of pussy-havers also has implications on how long justices may serve their lifetime appointments to the Supreme Court. We’re half-convinced Ruth Bader Ginsburg is immortal, but just in case, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan are also representing the PNOA.
• And don’t let his nether region fool you: Justice Stephen Breyer has also been a card-carrying member of the PNOA since his appointment in 1994.
• Lastly, the number of women who are primary breadwinners in their families has quadrupled since 1960. And with all this bread on our side of the table, WE GON’ EAT.

Let us be clear: The PNOA does not look to unseat all men. Just groping, misogynistic, despicable, entitled daughterfuckers like you. Especially when you’re seeking the presidency with no experience, no plans, and no idea how to treat AT LEAST 51 percent of the people in this country. And they say women are irrational.

The PNOA has issued an emergency hot flash, summoning the entire network in flagrante delicto to the voting booth on November 8th.

Our advice: take cover or drop out now, or we’ll take the whole fucking machine down with you. You’ve been grabbing at the pussy, grabbing at the presidency, but it’s fucking time karma grabbed your nutsack. Let’s see how you like it.

Donald, your biggest nightmare is nigh:
You’re about to lose to a girl.

And it’s not going to be close, either.

So, for the first time in history, We the Pussies can credibly announce:

We are coming for you.

Oh, yes, Donald. Many have pretended, but this is the first time we mean it. And it feels so right. Thank you for finally satisfying us.