The Prompt NFL Power Rankings: Week 11

Welcome to The Prompt’s own weekly NFL Power Rankings, where we rank all of the things that matter. We apologize in advance for any jokes or analysis that might offend you or your football team, and for the bad photoshopping.

1. Dallas Cowboys (Last Week: 2nd)

Another week, another win, and more proof that once you go Dak you never go back. Not much more can be said about the ‘Boys and their rookies, but I’ll try. They went up against a very good Ravens defense (2nd in the league in yards against, 1st against the run) and kept on rolling: Prescott threw for 301 yards and 3 touchdowns without turning the ball over while Zeke added 127 all-purpose yards of his own. Dallas is now 9-1 and will reenact the first Thanksgiving by hosting the Redskins on Thursday.

2. Kirk Cousins

BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY!!! After a huge win on Sunday Night over the reeling Packers, it’s safe to say that Captain Kirk is going to get PAID. The ‘Skins QB tallied 375 passing yards and 3 touchdowns to out-duel Aaron Rodgers and put his team firmly in the playoff conversation. He even had the balls to ask for a raise immediately after the game. Washington is now 6-3-1 and will travel to Dallas to begrudgingly reenact the first Thanksgiving.

3. Jack Del Rio’s Huevos (Previously 2nd, 7th, 5th, unranked)

Blackjack Del Rio took his squad south of the border on Monday night and dragged his grande testiculos all over Mexico and the pitiful (but somehow still 1st place) Houston Texans. The game came down to a 4th & 1 with a minute left and Monterrey Jack had to decide between punting or rolling the dice and going for it to seal the victory. SPOILER ALERT: He ran it down their throats and improved to 8-2, a full game up on KC and Denver for the AFC West lead.

4. Mexico

If you couldn’t tell by now, The Prompt isn’t exactly a right-leaning conservative website, and I am by no means a Trump supporter. That said, if he is going to build that wall anyway, maybe we should leave Brock Osweiler on the other side. The QB “worth” $72 million still sucks, despite reaching triple-digits in passing yards on Monday, a milestone he was unable attain in Week 10 against the Jaguars. He tossed a costly interception and his QB rating is 74.1, which would be last in the league if it weren’t for Fitzmagic.

5. Jordan Rodgers

The Packers have lost 4 games in a row, which means that Jordan is currently the only winner in the Rodgers clan. The plot thickens, as this week we learned that Aaron has cut off all communication with his family and hasn’t spoken with his parents or brothers in almost two years. I don’t know what his problem is. They all seemed lovely during hometown week. So much for Olivia Munn being the “cool girl,” I guess.

6. Extra Points (Last Week: 7th)

Last week featured a record SIX missed PATs across the NFL, giving the typically routine play some uncommon attention, and even a spot in these rankings. Well, it looks like PAT likes the limelight, because he/she doubled down this Sunday and a new record of TWELVE missed extra points graced our television screens. The RedZone channel used to cut away after the touchdown, but now the kick is the most dramatic play in all of sports! Like I said last week, I am all about the chaos, keep it coming. Here’s to the guys making this phenomenon happen, in no particular order: Steve Gostkowski, Steve Hauschka, Mike Nugent, Matt Prater, Kai Forbath, Mike Nugent again, Jason Myers, Robbie Gould, Connor Barth, Robbie Gould again, Cody Parkey, and the Rain Man Dustin Hopkins.

7. New York Giants Super Bowl

No actual analysis here, but I wanted to point out that this 2016 Giants team smells a lot like the 2011 Giants. The current group actually has a better record at this point in the season then the team that won the Super Bowl five years ago. I can’t shake the feeling that they’re going to sneak into the playoffs at 10-6, beat the Falcons or Vikings in the Wild Card round and then go on a little run and get back to the dance. Keep an eye on them, just saying.

8. Kansas City Chiefs UNDER Bet

If you know me then you know I love a good Under. I love Overs too, but for some reason Unders are streakier and fly, well, under the radar. In the Week 4 Power Rankings, I detailed the 2015 Falcons Under streak (11-0-1 in their last 12 games…RIP in Peace) and I have finally found the 2016 equivalent! The Chiefs total has gone under 8 times this year, including the last 6 weeks. Vegas has caught on though, since the line for their Week 12 game in Denver is 39.5. Only a sociopath would bet an Under that was less than 40, so maybe take a week off, but I thought you should be aware of this trend.

9. The Minnesota Vikings

Just when it seemed like the Vikings would never win again, things are finally turning around in Minnesota. First they snapped a 4-game losing streak with a victory over the Cardinals, then news broke that Adrian Peterson is eyeing a December return. In what would be the best Christmas present an NFL team could receive, AP will likely suit up in Green Bay on December 24th in a game that might decide the division.

10. Bernie Beaudry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcMc9Nrr_Zk

Couldn’t let the week go by without a quick shout out to the Fox Sports sound guy who got absolutely demolished by a Vikings pregame stampede. Like a deer picking the worst possible time to cross the street, Bernie forgot the most important rule in life: Always keep your head on a swivel. There is probably a Debbie Wasserman Schultz joke to be made here but my brain is on vacation. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Also Receiving Votes: Case Keenum, Concussion Protocol, Cleveland Browns #1 Pick, Wind, Rain, and the Patriots Defense assuming they’re always playing against Colin Kaepernick.