The Challenge: Invasion of the Champions—Week 3 MVPs

Friends, Romans, MTV’s The Challenge-watchers, lend us your ears… for today we shall nominate The Prompt Mag’s Week 3 MVPs of The Challenge: Invasion of the Champions.

Jillian’s MVP: NOT Kailah

Kailah, Kailah, Kailah. [SMDH] When are you going to learn? Let your actions—and your Brazilian cut swimsuits—do the talking. But instead, Kailah ran her mouth and her personal brand got a new tagline.

“I Go for What I Want (aaand Usually I Get It)” sounds like the clean remix to that single she dropped during The Real World: Go Big or Go Home. What was it called again? Oh yeah, “I Have a Golden P*ssy.” Girl, ain’t nobody downloading that song! Not even Hannah “Shaliene-Woodley-likes-to-go-to-a-private-area,-open-her-vagina,-and-let-the-sun-in” Horvath! What is it with GIRLS?

And on that note…

Jillian’s Other MVP: NOT Creativity

“We got soap… we got jacuzzis… we got cold cuts—” Go Dario, go Dario, go! “…we got toilets.”

Toilets? [sad trombone]

While the crew moving to The Oasis has its perks, ending that string of good fortune with “toilets” lacks any suggestion of Dario’s ability to land a punchline (foreshadowing???). May I present to you a few alternate endings, in order from least to most lyrical:

“We got soap… we got jacuzzis… we got cold cuts—

“…Ayo Cory, man, peep Jenna and Kailah’s bubble butts.”
“…Upgrade me, son, now that we up out those grass huts!”
“…Hunter on that court, triple-doublin’ some coconuts!”
“…Catch me smokin’ dope on a Suzuki with some old sl*ts.”
“…Damn son, is that JDilla’s hologram spinnin’ Donuts?!”

Then again, you can’t exactly blame Dummy Dario when The Challenge‘s best and brightest is Johnny Bananas, with his “Surprise kids… there’s no need to pinch yourself… your worst nightmare has just come true” sound bites.

Jillian’s Actual MVP: YES Shane

This leaves us with the obvious MVP of the week: Shane. Looking like determined dice, Shane refused to crap out. He got off to an early lead in the box roll challenge, but Anthony—to the delight of producers and bigtime advertiser Burger King—gave him a run for his money just in time for a commercial break. When we returned, Shane dug deep to free himself from the cage and race to victory.

What do you guys think???

Jill,

I know you don’t like any kind of bathroom shenanigans… but I think I would make the new Oasis Bathrooms the real MVPs this week. Think about it:

Josh’s MVP: The Oasis Bathrooms

1) They are a major major major upgrade from whatever was being used at The Shelter. In terms of cleanliness, privacy, running water, and porcelain.

2) Anyone who has ever watched a Challenge season before knows that if you want to get busy and not get caught on camera, you go to the bathroom. Which is why we had to watch Nelson and Latoya and Cory and Kailah making out in bug nets, sand, or in the darkness behind some trees. We are back to a world where competitors can do almost anything they want with at least a door between them.

3) Did you see that party shower? Did you see the jacooz that Smashley immediately took a moment in?

4) And bear with me because this is where things go from fun-loving to sophomoric… They just served the entire cast Burger King. If you have an entire cast living in a foreign country and subsisting on simple, cheap foods from Craft Services… and then shock their systems with a Burger King buffet… the LEAST you can do is give them toilets with first-world plumbing. Jumping face first into a Whopper and Chicken Fries without reliable shitter is a far braver leap than the one Theo quit on last week.

Now, it’s champ time.

Josh